What your backpack says about you

It’s not all about spinal care


Forget beer and bad decisions, the most important ‘B’ at uni is the humble backpack.

You can tell a lot about a person by their bag, so The Tab have created an extensive guide to backpacks and their owners.

Eastpak

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Reliable, if a little unimaginative, and probably one of the most popular brands on campus.

A friendship with an Eastpak owner will last as long as the bag’s 30 year warranty.

Eastpaks belong to consistent people. Whether they are consistently inconsistent or just consistently neurotic, you know precisely what you’re gonna get with an Eastpak owner.

For example, as an Eastpak owner I will conistently cry if I drink Pints of Fun.

Most likely say: “Yeah I’ll be on time… Well I’ll try.”

Funky backpack

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This backpack screams “Ooh aren’t I quirky?”, and the owner wants you to know it.

Will regularly talk about how the Juice Garden has changed their entire perspective on life.

Similarly, if you ask them about where they bought said backpack, they will launch into an endless tirade about how it was made by orphans before finally admitting they bought it in a charity shop.

Most likely to say: “Gosh, these lights are really messing up my Chakra.”

Hype

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Probably from the south and likes to pretend they take lots of drugs, but in reality all they’ve done is pay £30 for half a paracetamol at T in the Park.

Probably seen as the traditional “cool” one at School, but is struggling at uni to make any lasting connections.

Most likely to say: “I was soooo swedged last night!!”

Herschel

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Also reliable, like Eastpak, but with a more sophisticated edge.

Herchel owners are conscientious and unassuming, reflected in this understated choice of bag.

Most likely to say: “What, who me?”

Leather Backpack

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For those not willing to compromise their style for practicality.

They probably had an inconvienent sidebag at school, but has been forced to admit that their Ma was right when she said that backpacks are more comfortable.

Owners of leather backpacks can often be seen wearing all black and discussing english literature in the Beer Bar.

Although it is also important to note that these backpacks are actually faux leather, or vegan leather if you’re pretentious.

Most likely to say: “Dubai is a concrete jungle of materialism.”

Jansport

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Worn by BNOCs.

For those who are genuninely that little bit edgier than you and like to subtly remind you.

Owners of Jansport might be partial to a manbun normally teamed with hipster trainers. They always seem to know about a new obscure club that you aren’t entirely sure you want to go, but go anyway so that you dont seem uncool.

Most likely to say: “The DJ invited us to his after-party.”