These are the six types of flatmate boyfriend you’ll encounter at uni
If his toothbrush is by the sink, he needs to go
The boyfriend of your flatmate – it’s a love-hate relationship. You hate it when he’s in your bathroom when you want to shower, but you love when he rocks up with a crate of beer as an apology. Either way, it’s a presence many of us have to deal with, whether we like it or not.
So to make things easier, here’s a guide to help let your flatmate know what kind of boyfriend they have. Fingers crossed he’s the flat bitch because that would be an absolute win.
1. The flat bitch
The boy is practically your maid at this point. If he cooks dinner for your flatmate, you can bet he’s making you dinner as well because he’s desperate for you to like him. That’s because he’s terrified that the flat hate him. If you need something from the shops, he probably did too so he’ll run and get it for you.
If he was in the kitchen, he’s probably cleaned his mess as well as yours. Chances are they rock up with a care package from his mum of cookies and chocolates every time he arrives.
2. The simp
He’s obsessed with his girlfriend, but kinda in the best way, even if he acts to be a massive wetwipe. Packages arrive from him arrive out of nowhere. As a boy once said to me, ‘if you’re not simping for your girlfriend, she’s clapped’. So poetic. Men have such a great way with words.
3. The one that’s moved in
He’s put his razor where your toothbrush is meant to be and he’s put his bodywash in your part of the shower shelf. He’s started putting the odd t-shirt in with your washing and is currently using your only pan to cook a full course meal for your flatmate.
The neighbours say hi to him thinking he lives there. When he starts telling you how to live in your own flat, that’s when you know you’re in trouble, like if he tells you that you left the light on. He may as well have his name on the tenancy.
4. The misogynist
‘Oh, are you loading the dishwasher? Would you mind doing my plates then, you know, since you belong in the kitchen? Get it? That was a joke, I was joking. Also, the lavender detergent you use, not my favourite, would you mind changing it? Cheers.’
You can bet The Big Short is his favourite film and he almost certainly studies business because he likes to mansplain it to you when your flatmate is out. Shame your flatmate can’t see him as the wannabe Wolf of Wall Street like you can.
5. The clueless one
He walks in like he can’t feel the tension of an argument that happened five minutes ago, even if none of you are talking to each other. Ignorance is bliss I guess. He wouldn’t dare step in if one was happening in front of him because he’s too scared to see what would happen. Ask him to pick a side and he’ll be out the door faster than you can say ‘ham and cheese melt’.
6. The top shagger
The workers in the Sainsbury’s around the corner know him because he goes there to buy condoms at least twice a week. You’ve got a sneaky suspicious your flatmate isn’t the only one he’s shagging but you’re too afraid to bring it up because she’s too obsessed with him.
You’ve barely said one word to him because he comes over for one reason and one reason only: a shag. If you’re lucky you’ll see his shadow leaving in the morning and that’s about it.