JMCC focus group are successful in bizarre requests

More libido-increasing smoked salmon, please…


Every 2 weeks, a group of Pollock freshers meet at JMCC focus group meetings to discuss which improvements could be made to improve the infamous dining hall.

And it seems like Ms Darling, the JMCC Catering Manager, and her team of minions are actually doing their best to meet the demands of the keen freshers.

Darling by name, darling by nature?

The infamous requests

In a recent exchange of emails, Theo, a first year Economic History student, made requests to Lynne that included increasing smoked salmon provisions to increase the libido of residents and that little-known student bands perform to increase sales at the JMCC bar.

Despite the curious nature of these requests, Lynne reportedly responded swiftly and appropriately.

Shortly after the requests were made she contacted the frontman of the musical group ‘Jellyman’, Paddy Pike, and asked them to perform at the beloved student bar.

Lynne is on the ball

When asked about this, Theo responded:”I felt the fact that she used my exact wording from my email to contact Paddy without first replying to my crib sheet of suggestions was a tad underhand.”

But despite this slight annoyance, he remains confident that ‘Jellyman’ will replicate their past successes in bringing profit to ailing establishments.

Theo, Pollock’s very own politician

Explaining this, he said:

“The ‘Jellyman’ are THE Pollock band. The boys, the chaps, the jocks. Only a few nights ago did they play in a bar on Nicholson Street and we probably doubled their takings that night”.

Paddy, honoured by Lynne’s invitation, explained how the band – an eclectic mixture of instruments and personalities – came to be:

“We all met on Tinder”, said Mr Pike.

“And we play all sorts of instruments. Guitars, egg shaker, glokenspiel, triangle, bass, double bass, harmonica, tamborine, piano and the cajon drum. We perform anywhere we can. Normally at Open Mics”.

Paddy, Nilou, Dalia, Freddie and Ollie perform at Clerk’s bar

A recent performance by the band at Clerk’s bar resulted in a standing ovation.

Theo expects that the expected profits from their upcoming performance will enable the focus group to introduce an innovative strategy to increasing the smoked salmon stock.

Speaking informally to Lynne, Theo said: “Given the amount of salmon you provide and the number of smokers outside of Chancellors, an effort to combine the two would get us the smoked salmon we so desperately need.”

The residents eagerly wait in anticipation for the changes to all take place.