There’s some really weird shit in the Teviot toilets

For maybe hundreds of years, Edinburgh’s finest gentlemen have scrawled their deepest thoughts and darkest secrets while having a shit.

Deep within the bowels of Teviot, the cubicle doors in the men’s toilets are where every BNOC that has ever existed lets off a bit of steam.

In true psychology student fashion, we decided to analyse a few for you.

“The chamber of secrets has been LIFES A BITCH fuck it”

Picture this.

Edinburgh’s biggest Harry Potter fan is sitting having a post-Elephant House lunch poo, reading his copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Tears form in his eyes as he reads of the untimely death of Dobby, everyone’s favourite house elf. Gulping, he tries to finish off the graffiti he’s been planning since he first saw how Hogwarts-y Teviot was.

Dull of self-loathing, he abandons it half way, fleeing the cubicle where he leaves behind the Slytherin scarf his gran knitted for his tenth birthday. Life really is a bitch.

“AM I COOL YET?”

This seemingly existential crisis is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy.

By graffiti-ing, one becomes cool. Banksy’s cool.

There was even a tagging ability in the video game Tony Hawk’s Underground 2: Remix which was most definitely cool.

Actually, Delta Kappa Epsilon graffittied on campus which makes it 100 per cent uncool to graffiti. Sorry, dude, just another reason to hate the Dekes.

“I am not a mom”

A girl with a late period has snuck into the guy’s bathroom to take a pregnancy test because where is someone who’s definitely not taking a pregnancy test going to go? Fucking duh, the boys’ bathrooms.

This is her celebration, obviously in the days before Yik Yak was where we put our deepest darkest secrets.

“Kilroy was here”

Robert Kilroy-Silk, taking a well deserved rest after being an MEP and hosting a chat show called Kilroy, chose to document what we can only assume was an enjoyable poo.

Hopefully this is worth a psychology degree.