How to survive the Durham freshers’ flu

You thought it was a rumour, but suddenly you’ve caught it and you cannot stop coughing. Your mother is worried sick because you sound like you're about to die- but that doesn’t stop you from screaming along to Taylor Swift songs every night at prinks. Don't despair though, do these things and you'll be your silly fresh self again in no time:

Don’t go to any lectures in the first three weeks

Right, everyone will be coughing and sniffling and feeling sorry for themselves. Chances are you won't be able to hear the lecturer anyways over all the lungs collapsing, so what's the point? One lecture hall is probably more infested with germs than the tube or a toilet seat right now. Stay away. Don’t subject yourself to all that grossness- you’re a fresher, there is no need for you to go to lectures. Stop trying to get your money’s worth.

Replace doughnuts with fruit

I know that the college menu is full of temptations, but just because there are doughnuts for dessert doesn’t mean you need to have them. Try getting a cheeky orange instead. Also, it's important to understand that potatoes do not count as one of your five a day, put some beans or sweetcorn on your plate for God's sake. However crap the salad bar is- use it.

No skimpy clothing for you

I understand that Klute and Jimmy's and everywhere else in Durham is sticky, gross and hot. But if you’re from Jo Bo and walking for half an hour in the cold to the Bailey, wear a bloody jumper. You can show off your crop top when you get there.

Cry

Speaking from personal experience; nothing helps like a good cry. At Uni you’ll probably do it a lot- so why not start now? Cry and do a cheeky Boohoo haul. Even though your throat hurts, there is nothing a new jacket and another ball gown can’t solve.

Down it!

No, not crofters.  But a nice mug of lemon and honey never hurt anyone. It’ll warm you up and it may even help you stop losing your will to live. Get yourself a cheeky cuppa or help yourself to someone else’s. Either way, do yourself the favour of drinking tea sometimes. The sooner you get better, the higher the chances of getting laid.

Good luck darlings! Don’t die.