What grade you’re going to get, based on your star sign
Spoiler: Virgos draw the shortest straw again.
I am female, therefore I might be a witch, and therefore I might be psychic.
Following this assumption I have assembled my predictions for every star sign and how they will hate life this summative season:
Aries (March 21- April 19)
You may feel largely conflicted this summative season to play by the Module Handbook or simply wing it. However, before logging into Turnitin have a final read-through of that paper, otherwise you may cause irreparable damage to your career prospects.
Taurus (April 20- May 20)
You may have an epiphany that you hate the Theology degree you are five terms in. Before your mind littered with Ancient Greek pulls a Judas on your self-esteem, consider a course change. Then realise course changes mid-year are not a thing. Then suck it up and half-ass your work like you always do.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Some tension could crop up between you and a tutor you thought you identified with. However if plagiarism has seeped into these relationships, namely to the point where you feel diminished or undervalued, it may be time to go your own way.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You may find yourself in a heated one-way argument today with your workload, JSTOR, or a lecturer’s e-mail which could have you feeling like your job prospects or personal goals are being thwarted. While you shouldn’t back down and ignore how you feel, try to come from a rational place.
An accidental 1st, which even you cannot believe you actually got
Leo (July 23-August 22)
You may find yourself more opinionated than usual today, which could put you in an argumentative mood. Though before you go around offering to read through and edit that random dude’s diss, think about whether it’s worthwhile to procrastinate in a way that is so boring. You will promise it anyway, and never get around to it because of Netflix.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
You could be feeling like you’re not getting what you believe you deserve when it comes to grades. Understand this discomfort is to help you make a change. How can you make yourself more employable? How can you improve your sense of studying? Get the answers.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
There’s a chance that an issue between you and a module you hate could be putting undue pressure on you, which could lead to tempers flaring. Though what comes out now can help you to strip away the fluff and the nonsense, helping you to be more authentically you.
High 2:1, that could’ve been a 1st if you didn’t get that one 3rd
Scorpio (October 23- November 21)
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed this term or feeling like you’re spread too thin, take a moment (or several) to regroup and catch your breath. While you’re known to be a pathological overachiever who never got over their Oxford rejection letter, this is a time for paring down, for resting, and getting back to your core self. You don’t have to do it all.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
You may be feeling like your coursework is getting in the way of a creative passion, plan, or goal. Though you may just need to look at the situation differently. Create a vision board, journal your thoughts, and soak up as much inspiration as you can. You can do this. You can manage to procrastinate fully.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
There may be some tension today between your own needs (i.e. sleep), the demands of your lecturer, and your squad goals especially where your sense of stability is concerned. Though know that this is an opportunity to work on your self-worth so you better command what you’re worth.
Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
You may be feeling conflicted as to whether you should play it low key or let your freak flag fly unabashedly. Put that flag away, and hit the books in Billy B. Ultimately you were born to be original, which sometimes rubs others the wrong way, much to your delight. Though to get ahead now, you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar- do not offer your tutor a poetry chapbook instead of a lab report.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
You may be feeling some angst this term when it comes to your overdraft and your hopes, dreams, and wishes. But know that where your mind is, is what will be reflected back to you. Use your mind to visualize what you want. (Happy Birthday btw.)
Looking to be part of the 70%? Tired of lonely nights in isolation? Then, look no further!
Are you longing for Flat White to open again and for Durham to get a Pret?
They’ve nearly raised £2000!
Well that’s given me some Christmas cheer
Perfect for that last-minute Christmas present!
The format will be similar to the 2020 exams
45 teams came together to surpass their original fundraising target of £50,000.
You can now get freshly baked bread delivered straight to your door
How are they getting on compared to locked-down Durham?
You’ll probably learn more than you expect
No end of term Jimmy’s for us then
The best part? The food cooked will be donated to shelters for the vulnerable in Durham
Flat White? Please.
This is the highest the faculty has ever ranked
Really? Another classism-related incident Durham?
And yet the Russell Group says that safety net policies aren’t ‘necessary’ this year
The Duke and Duchess’ castle is worth £200million in real life
‘It took me five years to get an endometriosis diagnosis’
Brb just driving to 505
Sorry in advance if the answer is no x
Are you headed for the Drag Race Hall of Fame or sashaying away in week one?
Of course Wendy is here
A six year old girl helped pick him out of a police line up
Soz if you get Yasmin x
Ok, the nightmares are real
Soon may the wellerman come!
It’s the hotel where the Night Stalker stayed during his killing spree
And in real life the killer stayed in the hotel from AHS: Hotel
She hired two lawyers to check for plagiarism
Lady Whistledown has some gossip, and it’s all about you
Honestly, the memes are enough to make me break down
I will spend the rest of my days enjoying these
Going to Dubai for a holiday during lockdown is not essential and I’m sick of seeing it