How fat will you be after uni?

The Tab have a new quiz. Believe you me, it’s larger than life.

What will you leave university with? A long term girlfriend? A first? A new found hobby? Or maybe an extra 10 pounds of fat? It can be pretty hard to notice if you are piling on the pounds, but as soon as you get out of Durham and start comparing yourself to those around you, who haven’t been eating their feelings due to summative stress, you’re going to start to worry. The Tab have put together this short quiz to work out how much damage you’ve done already:

Lucy’s keen for quinoa…

1.  What’s calling you at 12 o’clock in the Bryson?

A) My quinoa and corgette packed lunch, tasty!

B) Palatine jacket potato. Hold the coleslaw.

C) The Yum meal deal, but with a crunchie or twirl?

D) New inn burger, piled high with extra bacon and egg!

2 Where can you be found on a night out?

A) On the d-floor all night throwing some serious shapes

B) Doing the twat lap round Shack, lost and alone in search of someone I barely recognise

C) Chain smoking outside

D) I don’t go out past 10 at night, Mum says it’s not safe

3 Where do you go to satisfy your post night munchies?

A) I can’t afford to splash out so I just stick to a tin of cold beans

B) I’m not one for a post night snack.

C) Wok Supp. Satay chicken every time.

D) Pizza King or Urban Oven. I’m on first name terms with the owner.

just can’t get enough

4 How did you find college meals?

A) …I’m in Jo Butler

B) If you pricked me with a needle, pure starch would come gushing out.

C) Perfect amount of potatoes for my carb-loading month!

D) Food, glorious food!

5. Which sports team are you a member of?

A) Team Durham and proud!

B) I love having a knock about with my college team.

C) A healthy sexual appetite keeps me fit *wink*.

D) Me and my friends hang out at Freemen’s Quay cause someone once told me it was a gym…


6. Whats in your Tesco trolley?

A) Only non-processed food stuffs, I’m on the Neanderthal diet.

B)Vodka and super noodles, standard student.

C) Everyday value pasta and sauce, cheap and cheerful!

D) Whatever’s on offer! Pringles BOGOF, now that’s what i’m talking about!


7. What does all you can eat buffet mean to you?

A) Heart attack waiting to happen.

B) Makes the student loan go a lot further!

C) My eyes are bigger than my belly, I did not get my moneys worth!

D) Get the maternity pants, we’re in for the long haul!

Mostly As – Skinny bitch

You’re as fit as a fiddle! Next time you’re in tescos, treat yourself to some Ben and Jerry’s. Go on, I dare you!

Mostly Bs – Malnourished

You’ve actually lost weight due to your poor nutrition! You need some of your Mum’s cooking to bring you back up to health before you move out into the big bad world.

Mostly Cs – Overweight

You’ve probably gained a stone, but that’s nothing you cant shift within a few months, right?! For  some quick weight loss tips, why don’t you ask any of your friends who were in the fashion show…

Mostly Ds – Really fucking fat!

Not gonna lie, the situation’s bad. You need to take a time out from all the booze and the junk food and get yourself to the gym!