1. Open with a cracking chat up line

I’ve seen quite a few in my time, but my best to date has to be this corker;

“There are 20 letters in the alphabet right?”

quick, think fast “no there are 26”

“oh, I must have forgotten U R A Q T”

Heart melted! But wait “that’s only 25”

“I’ll give you the D later then”

There really is no better way to get the ball rolling that a cheeky chat up line, and girls, don’t be afraid to open with a chat-up line either, although nothing too rude as the chap will be thinking he’s getting more than he bargained for this Valentine’s.

Here’s one i prepared earlier

2. No more no

Say yes to every sodding person. I’m talking locals, people who clearly don’t get out much, people who have weird pets, people with children, the vain, the geeks, the jocks; broaden your horizons and you might just get lucky.  And who knows, that bald-headed 60-year-old man with his twelve pet snakes and forty children might just be the love of your life.

Hopefully Ant will be able to find a babysitter for Valentine’s Day

3. Make sure there is no one better looking in your display picture…

… or better yet just avoid a group shot. There’s nothing worse than thinking you matched with an absolute god on tinder and then realising you’ve actually been chatting to his more rotund friend in the background. It’s best just to have a sweet, honest snap of your face, so the desired audience know what you’ve got to offer, maybe have one group photo third in to prove that you do actually have friends, and leave the house from time to time.

Never was a fan of the lucky dip…

4. Reveal all

Initially I wasn’t trying to be racy, tinder just took my current Facebook profile picture, and thus my display picture was decided.  Then after getting a serious amount of matches I realised my display picture was working a treat. I then started to realise that I was wearing a snorkel in the picture and that you couldn’t even see my face, people were swiping me right on the context of my rig. Anyway I feel that this is proof that bikinis work, whether I’m flattered or not still remains to be questioned.

Milkshakes, boys and yards etc.

5.  Give the tag lines a miss

Tinder allows you to put a tagline, don’t do it… This is show and don’t tell. You’ve got the chance to get to know each other once you’ve matched, but before that, there really is no reason to show any signs of personality at all, after all, you cant shag a personality.

Huh, gayyyyyyyyyyyyy

6. And finally, if nothing else is working, open up your age range and mile radius

Love is not selective so neither should your tinder requirements be. Grab tinder by the bollocks and take it for a ride, who knows who/what you’ll find!

Some may call this desperation, i say it’s optimism