Booze School for Chundergraduates

The Dean of University College Oxford is making ‘Misuse of Alcohol’ lectures compulsory for first and second year students.

In an email to all students, Dean Michael Collins said the college would hold the mandatory “educational experience” to “warn [students] of the risks associated with the misuse of alcohol.”

The Event

Heavy pre game sessions followed by cheap college booze were to blame for the downfall of many. A university official described the scene – students “started vomiting everywhere.”

The floors of their college bar were coated in sick and the disabled toilets were “covered in red wine vom.” 

The unlucky students tasked with clearing up afterwards also suffered. One second year girl was so overcome by the mess she added her own nasty to the pool. 

Charlie Mondelli, a first year historian isn’t too pleased. “I see that the college wants to take care of us,” he said, “but clamping down because a few students rode the chunder dragon seems too harsh.”
 

Earlier this term the rugby team was fined £100 for a traditional naked dash through town.