Never been on Crushbridge? Here are some tips

How to be the ultimate BNOC (Big Name On Crushbridge)

Modern-day romance can be a truly wonderful thing. Because what says true love like being called fit by a stranger on a Facebook group chat?

Eventually, it may be time to stop chasing validation from your DoS and direct your attention elsewhere. The ego boost that comes with a Crushbridge mention is impossible to beat, or so I’ve been told.

Who needs academic validation anyways? (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

You shouldn’t have to resort to a self-submission so, in order to make sure that you all get the validation you truly deserve, I’ve scoured Facebook and created the ultimate guide to securing a real Crushbridge feature. Prepare to be enlightened.

Upgrade your dance moves

When words fail, or social interaction is just too painful – sadly not too uncommon an occurrence here – sometimes it’s easier just to shut up and dance. Whether you’ve got the hips of Shakira, or the moves like Jagger, I bet that you look good on the dance floor.

Good style AND dance moves?? Irresistible (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

And, even if you don’t, everyone at revs will be too drunk to notice you making a fool of yourself anyway, so what have you got to lose?

Spice up your wardrobe

I know college puffers are expensive, but that doesn’t mean they have to be thrown on over absolutely every outfit. Instead of being obnoxious in ensuring everyone knows you’re a Cambridge student, be obnoxiously bold in your wardrobe choices. Make sure that you just can’t be missed by any potential suitors.

Because no one will be able to resist you when you resemble a traffic cone (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

Every caterpillar turns into a butterfly, and you can attract the attention you deserve if you shed your cocoon of basicness.

And, if that doesn’t work, then at least you’ll have temporarily distracted yourself from the depth of your perpetual loneliness with some good ol’ retail therapy. Self callout? Absolutely.

Go to a cafe, apparently

Some of us are most productive in the solitude of the library, some write their essays from bed, and some prefer a communal study space. But cafe-studiers are a rare breed, not just because spending £8 for a coffee and croissant from Fitzbillies is obscene, but because, apparently, they’re where all of Cambridge’s most attractive students reside. How will you ever focus on your work when “the most beautiful person of all time” is sitting right across from you?

Coffee is an aphrodisiac after all (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

My advice: put on your best and brightest outfit from your new wardrobe and gaze wistfully out the window of a coffee shop. Your bank account may hate you, but your ego won’t when you finally get your Crushbridge feature.

Take to the seas (or, the River Cam)

Word on the street is that the Bridge of Sighs is named after the sighs of yearning students (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

It’s one of Cambridge’s greatest mysteries: why are all the punters so good-looking?? This particular category was much too easy to come by.

For all of you at river colleges, here’s a fun game for when you’re in need of some fresh air  – Smash or Pass: Punting Edition.

Copy the style of a fictional hottie

Do I need to say any more? Sometimes real life just doesn’t cut it, and you’ll definitely attract attention if you don a skin-tight, all-blue ensemble.

Surely someone’s taste will be questionable enough to want you? (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

Love yourself!

If all of the above advice fails, which it shouldn’t, and you’ve spent your entire maintenance loan on fancy coffees and new clothes, then there’s truly no hope whatsoever.

It might be time to accept that you’ll be alone forever and seek fulfilment from within.

Preach (Image credit: Facebook/ Crushbridge)

I bet the reason you get no romantic attention is because you’re just intimidatingly sexy. Obviously. (Image credit: Facebook/Crushbridge)

Ultimately, there are no rules to the art that is Crushbridge. And if your new wardrobe doesn’t get anyone’s attention, then it may just have to be time to write an ode to yourself. Because you are killing it xx

And who knows, maybe the newfound confidence you exude will be the very thing that draws flocks of admirers your way.

Feature image credits: Ellie Moss

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