12 memes about safety nets that almost make up for Cambridge not actually having a safety net

In the words of the queen that is Ariana Grande: ‘got me tripping, falling with no safety net’

Not only is the entirety of Lent term online, but Cambridge (and the majority of the Russell Group) have oh so kindly decided not to implement a no detriment policy this year. The Russell Group claimed that a no detriment policy is not necessary or appropriate, so it will not be put in place.

I’m not sure if anyone from the Russell Group has actually spoken to a student in the last year, but we can’t tell you just how wrong they are. We’ve tried open letters, we’ve tried Camfess, we’ve even made a definitive list of all the reasons why we need a safety net this year. So, the only thing left for it was to turn to the internet for some appropriate memes. After all, if we don’t laugh we’ll cry. 

Unsurprisingly, Twitter was a gold mine. Instead of getting back to work, students across the country have turned to Twitter to let out their anger – and we applaud them for it. If there was a degree in making memes, we don’t think this lot would need a safety net to secure that first.

1. Real footage of what it feels like to be told that Cambridge students aren’t getting a safety net

How dare we ask for a crumb of support from the uni? (Photo credits: Eli Mehdi)

Okay, we may not have explicitly been called selfish for wanting a safety net, but it still feels that way. Anyway, why can’t third years be selfish? Surely they’re allowed to not have their consistently good grades ruined by a virus.

2. Toope and Virgo can have our pinky fingers in exchange for a safety net 

Now this is a clever move from Rebecca – she’ll likely need extra compensation in exams if her little toes suddenly vanish. That means a no detriment policy AND special consideration. Someone’s topping the class list this year!

3. Yeah, I’m fine now thanks to your virtual hugs xx

I don’t want a virtual hug, I want a no detriment policy and I want it now. I could also probably do with the hot drink that the girl in the email is drinking to warm my cold cold heart. Still, I’m not even sure that would thaw my feelings towards the uni management at this point.

4. I promise I deserve a first!!!

Just like Marcus Rashford, judging from my recent supervisions, 81% is way out of my league even with a no detriment policy. Still, a girl can dream.

5. Please don’t drown us to keep yourself afloat 

If we go down, we want to at least take Cambridge with us. I bet they’ll wish they implemented a safety net when the whole year group comes out with grades that are below what they’re capable of.

6. At least we won’t have this issue…

Photo credits: Author’s own screenshot from Camfess via Facebook)

Proof that Camfesses rarely age. For those, like me, that are only just scraping by, I’m not sure a safety net would actually help that much. BUT I STILL WANT IT FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE THAT NEED AND DESERVE ONE.

7. It’s easier to keep up with the Kardashians than to keep up with the reasoning behind not having a safety net

Kendall Jenner once said “Don’t judge someone’s attitude until you’ve felt their pain”. Toope take note x

8. I just want to be whole again

If I can’t study in Cambridge this term, at least give me a no detriment policy so that I can feel slightly whole again. I need something to make up for a lack of Life, Pret and college shenanigans.

9. I think we all literally only want one thing

Guys want it. We all want it. Please, just let us have a safety net!

10. Having no safety net is almost as bad as the death of Vine or Cindies #rip

We’re not sure what we miss most these days, Vine or Cindies? Without Vine, this quality meme would not have been made. However, if Cindies was still with us, we could at least drink VKs until the pain of having no safety net disappeared.

11. Make it make sense Toope

Look at the pain in that flower’s eyes. Absolutely tragic. Now imagine 4,000 students looking exactly the same…

12. You’d think so, wouldn’t you :/

We’re not sure how many more times we can say it: we want a safety net!!!!!

Hopefully these memes cheered you up somewhat. The Tab Cambridge wishes you the best of luck for your mocks, finals and 2021 in general! 

Related articles recommended by this writer:

•Cambridge will not be offering a ‘no detriment’ policy for students this year

•Just a list of reasons why Cambridge should give us a safety net this year

•Cambridge SU release open letter calling for a ‘no detriment’ policy

Featured image credit: Izzy Porter and Camfess via Facebook