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It’s the end of LENT TERM. Here’s what I’ve observed as of yet.

Let me fill you in.

So this is it. The final column from Jamie Bisping in Lent Term. Could be forever… who knows? I don’t. Alas, we shall never know.

Unless I carry on writing a column.

I struggled to come up with an idea to round off my column for this term. After much deliberation and contemplation I decided that I would write an article on ‘funny thoughts that arise during lectures’. I can’t say these were my finest words, or ideas, and it felt rather offensive to write 900 words about the time my lecturer said ‘interpenetration’ and ‘I’m fascinated by feet’ in the same 2 minutes.

I was then going to discuss how annoying coughing is, and my internalised thoughts and judgement on how other people cough. But I decided that this has been talked about before (says the boy who wrote an article on vegetarianism). At least I didn’t go with a friend’s (who will not be named) suggestion, ‘what about, like, different types of water. Like, it tastes different in different places’ because I don’t hate you or myself enough to force us to endure such content. However, this same friend told me that his lecturer, whilst reading a poem, shouted the word c**t, because it was coming up in a few lines time and was making a mental note not to say it, which is quite funny.

perhaps I would have used this picture when discussing coughing. I guess we'll never know.

So, you have the pleasure to gain an insight into some of my observations and what I have learnt along the way. And you know what, for being so kind and clicking on this article, I’m going to throw in some advice. You’re welcome.

How funny Cambridge is

This term I stepped up my game and saw lots more comedy and theatre in general. Call me Dame Judi Dench and hand me an Oscar. In particular, it has been amazing to watch women/NB comedy events, such as the ‘Stockings: Open Mic’ and ‘Comic Sans Men’, ‘Team Building Conference’. Also I met Chelsea Handler and she was funny too!

Also the fact I’ve seen an Ocado van outside college three times. Amazing.

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God the cast of Friends aged well!

I’m a bad person

I stick posters on my wall even though it’s not allowed. So glad I’ve confessed, that is a huge weight off my shoulders.

College names are deceptive, lying, nasty things which set out to embarrass you

Two terms in, I’m strolling about with a walking stick and a pipe, full to the brim with wisdom. This hasn’t always been the case. Shocking, I know.
*Wisdom in this case refers to general knowledge about Cambridge’s colleges. Actually, just general knowledge.

It seems ridiculous now, but when I first started I was very confused by all the different colleges and the trickery of those which are not pronounced how they are spelt. For instance, it’s week 3 and I am going to ‘Magdalene’ – ‘M A G D A L E N E – as in ‘MARY MAGDALENE’. I couldn’t find it and had to ask someone – I too am questioning how I was incapable of finding it myself. I say, ‘Excuse, where is Magdalene college’.

They reply, ‘MAUDELYN is just down there by the bridge.’

‘That’s great,’ I say, ‘but where is Magdalene’

‘Maudelyn is just over there’.

‘But where is MAGDALENE’
I say in a condescending-I've-been-here two-whole-weeks kind of tone.

Anyway, you get the gist and it was very embarrassing.

Another example. I said to a girl in late October (so had been here enough time) that I had been to a formal at Emmanuel the other day. And they were like ‘Oh, I went to an Emma formal’, to which I replied ‘Oh cool, what are they like, I’ve never been’. Shocking. I’d heard of ‘Lucy’ so kind of just assumed it was her sister ‘Emma’, cousin of ‘Clare’.

Some other examples:

– ‘Gonville and Caius’ and ‘Caius’ are in fact the same college.
– St Catharine’s and Catz are not different (upon reflection this was stupid of me) (upon even more reflection all of this was stupid of me)
– Trinity Hall to my surprise is not the place where you eat in Trinity College.

People love certain songs

‘Africa’ by Toto is an anthem, indisputably, but it is the national anthem here. I’m pretty sure there’s an event where people are going to stand outside King’s College and sing ‘Africa’ together. See you there?

Greensleeves is a tune also. Fact.

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one event of many dedicated to the song

Cambridge slang is infectious

The following content is the Russell Group equivalent of Urban Dictionary. When I first got here I heard people using words which, in my precious ear holes, either had very different connotations to me, or I just didn’t really understand what they meant.
− ‘Wholesome’. This is textbook Cambridge. “Wow aren’t we wholesome”… “This photo is so wholesome”. This word, in my mind, was politely synonymic of “large”, so it came as a surprise when I heard people chucking it around at one another. Although that is not to say it is a bad thing to be ‘wholesome’ in the way I thought it meant!
− Varsity has about 348 different meanings so I feel my confusion between which is which is justified. Even though I went to Varsity at Twickenham Stadium expecting a Journalism convention. I didn't really. I just lied. MWahaha

− Buttery (biscuit base) was my original thought.

− Didn’t know what ‘UL’ stood for until earlier this term (University Library in case you too are in the dark). Think that is more indicative of my work ethic.

in a land far far away

So there it is, some valuable content which should not be overlooked as knowing how to pronounce 'Magdalene' is the first step towards getting a seat in Parliament. know what you're thinking – I said that I would include some advice. Is how to pronounce 'Magdalene' really the only advice this article includes. And to that, I reply, yes.