Mystic Jojo’s Michaelmas Horoscopes

Starting uni provides for many an identity crisis – who am I? what am I here for? DOES the universe endorse my shameless flirtationship with my supervisor? Many such questions have undoubtedly been thrown to the heavens in these momentous first days of term. But fret not fresher, for a certain gracious guru has looked to the stars in search of all the answers to your questions.

Find out if the moon predicts you a michaelmas of love, heartbreak or great new academic endeveaours, or rather advises you that sugar dating is the only way to deal with your bleak money situation this michaelmas.

Aquarius

Your emotional nature is sure to awaken a passion for your college family, whom you love and trust unequivocally. Focus on the deep connections to be made and make sure to appreciate their comforting gestures, whilst fulfilling your role as mediator between your introverted and extroverted siblings. As the full moon enters Aries, your harmony with surrounding energies is disrupted, meaning that Life will seem at times overwhelming. So make sure to go to Revs once in a while where the rooftop provides the ideal space for intimate conversations.

When you reach this point you know it's too late

Pisces

Freshers is a difficult time for the pisces, as your justice driven nature doesn't fare well with competitiveness of the fresher's week race. But fret not, you will find time for solace – especially if you sign up for some swimming societies to appease your water element inclinations. Your friendliness is sure to draw in people around you, so don't be harsh on yourself if you don't remember someones names immediately, just wait till someone else says it and jump the wagon.

A pisces doubting the Cambridge collegiate system

Aries

As the first sign of the zodiac, you love new beginnings, so freshers is ideal for you. Your confidence and enthusiasm steals the show every time, especially at swaps where you always have the weirdest fines. As lectures start you get impatient and even moody, longing for a time when the Wednesday cindies queue was your only worry. Take centre-stage and get involved with theatre: your showmanship will see you brandishing rave reviews at the ADC before a new moon arises.

Theatre has always been Aries' calling

Taurus

Profound loathing of canteen food will make it difficult for the Taurus' luxury tastes to adjust to the rough-and-ready university lifestyle (a luxury animal indeed). For a last hurrah look around the middle-class cutlery section in Jack Wills and enjoy its smell of comfortable lifestyles and cold sterling notes. Then get down and dirty by jumping in the river cam, to prepare mentally and physically for 3 years of your gypmates smelly milk. Buy some wavey garms in a charity shop on Mill Road and your university transformation is complete.

NEW NOSERING NEW ME says the edgy Taurus

Gemini

Your curiosity made you sign up for 17 obscure societies at the freshers' fair, but lets's face it Gemini, you won't be showing up for underwater basket-weaving any time soon. After trying out a bunch you start to find your calling: student journalizm. Inquisitive, insightful and inspiring are just some of your traits that make you perfect for writing hard hitting articles for the prestigous Cambridge publication of your dreams… ?

Cheeky cheeky Gemini

Cancer

Your shyness makes you a slow burner, hard to get to know but the most loyal of friends to those who do. Expect lots of late night gyp DMCs and cups of tea. This may give you fomo from the rowdy (obnoxious) freshers you see around, but as long as you act on all your friendcrushes it'll be a very fruitful time indeed.

Bless you sweet cancer

Leo

It's literally the first day of lectures and the Leo is already complaining about work. In the library the Leo will then be spotted binging trashy Netflix shows. We are already tired of your bs Leo, sort yourself out.

Stfu Leo

Virgo

Completely overwhelmed by freshers' week, the sensitive Virgo is at risk of closing themselves down and hibernating throughout Mich. Instead you should open up your heart, as you may be in the reach of the dance of lovers, potentially at the first bop of term. When you spot them in Sainsbury's you will be mortified, but if you overcome your fears and chat to them a romantic adventure may be on the horizon!

Overcome your fears virgo

Libra

Your rational mind means that you'll be spending lots of time in the lab, only to let off steam at some culty engineering initiation and of course on your birthday. For some reason your going out schedule never matches everyone else's and before you know it you're ordering "the usual" at danger spoons.

U need that work/play balance hun

Scorpio

You are passionate and honest which might scare your new friends a little, no one needs to know about your daddy-issues just yet Scorpio. In a bid for Cambridgeness you try out sport but after a day of rowing you decide that you sort of hate exercise and would rather be on a late-night excursion to the van of life than setting alarms at 6 am. At least you are honest Scorpio my dear Scorpio.

Ugh so needy

Sagitarrious

You're the cool, calm and collected of freshers. "Having chill" takes on a whole new meaning with your skipping lectures and eating pot noodles lifestyle. Always in the bar, always up for hanging out and never in a rush to get anywhere. Let's see how long it lasts Sagitarrious. The moon has declared with certainty that Cambridge will break you on the 23rd of October precisely.

Too damn chilled

Capricorn

You have never felt more at home than at Cambridge. Where the outside world found your incessant perfectionism a tad OTT. Your supervisors love it and your OCD tendencies can finally flourish. You are the type of person who carries around a PHYSICAL DIARY, always neatly crammed with your essay deadlines and appointments. Welcome to a nerd's paradise, you will feel very at home here Capricorn.

A KEEN BEAN