A Bridgemas Carol

‘Tis the season, and all that. Well, hardly. It’s November.

But for those of us whose term ends on the second day of December, it seems appropriate to  behave as though it’s the middle of Christmas now. Why not? Christmas is great – it’s the only time of year when it’s socially acceptable to blast WHAM songs every day.

If you still haven’t recovered from the torment of Week 5, Bridgemas is less of a welcome treat and more of a whole lot of effort.

Bah Humbug, anyone?

Never fear. If you’re not really feeling it yet this year, there’s always time to embrace your inner Scrooge. And so I present to you: A Bridgemas Carol. Or, everything you really didn’t know you needed at the end of term.

Scrooge 

Basically every Cambridge undergraduate ever, at this stage of term. We’d like to say that we made it through the weeks unscathed – that string of essay crises long forgotten, looking forward to eating our body weight in mince pies. But the scars are there. We’re still bitter from that time we were proven wrong by our supervisor, still exhausted from all the early morning walks to Sidgwick.

Basically, we’re feeling as much like appreciating Christmas lights as we are attending the last few 9AMs (which are pretty pointless anyway: if we don’t understand the significance of green in Gawain by now, we never will) and although everyone despised Scrooge, we’re about one essay away from morphing into the guy.

Stripy nightshirt and everything.

Just done with life tbh

The Ghost of Christmas Past 

As Noddy Holder would say, IT’S CHRISTMAS!

Yeah, right. More like, it’s time to actually begin to look over the seemingly endless pile of work that you’ve completed this term. If you’re anything like me, you’re still a bit bemused as to how it eventually got done.

But like Scrooge, you’re not going to be left alone this Christmas. The spectres of all the crappy, rushed, pre A-Level standard essays that you’ve written this term are back to haunt you. Read over them and wince as you consider the possibility of failing your Prelims.

It’s a really unlikely possibility, especially considering that they don’t count towards your final degree. But looking at the essay standard, it’s still possible.

Haunted by all the crappy essays

The Ghost of Christmas Present 

There’s only one person that can fill this role, and that’s your DoS. Chances are, you probably haven’t heard from them since the first week. And yet they’re always looming in the background, like some vaguely threatening academic overlord.

Either way, they’re there to wrap up the term by reminding you of your progress at the present moment (i.e sending you off for the holidays being fully aware of how much crap you’re in.) Let’s face it. Six weeks of work won’t fix it.

Passing on that end of term report like

The Ghost of Christmas Future/Yet to Come 

If you’re at all like good old Ebenezer, you probably didn’t pay attention to the first two ghosts.

There’s always a way to procrastinate – think of how many Christmas films there are to watch! But then you’re reminded of the only thing that could possibly send you spiralling into existential crisis – The Future.

That’s right. No matter how many times you click that delete button, you just won’t be able to escape the emails from CamCareers and Goldman Sachs. Think of them as a constant reminder that you’ll never get that City career you’ve been chasing if you don’t get a 2:1.

Haunted by the prospect of camcareers

But God, who cares? It’s Christmas, and Scrooge was a bit freaked out by the ghosts (as we all would be if apparitions burst into our room) but he survived eventually, didn’t he?

He was even happier for it.

We’ll have Week Five Blues again, we’ll hate our lives again, someone will complain in The Tab again.

But right now, the end of term is looming, so turn up the WHAM song you love to hate, and embrace the spirit. Happy Christmas/New Year everyone, here’s to recovering for next term.