VOTE NOW: Cambridge’s Best Bums 2016

You decide who topped last year. Make sure you cast your vote at the bottom of the article.

annual Arse best best bums bum Cambridge Cantab competition naked rear of the year Students University of Cambridge vote

Godfrey studying Theology at Corpus

8

High above Cambridge’s venerable parapets Godfrey contemplates the philosophical grandeur of his latest academic composition while simultaneously questioning the plausibility of the possibility that one could freeze one’s balls off.

Katie studying Sociology at Clare

11

Endlessly concerned about the shock-waves in the global political apparatus, Katie’s flag floats gently through the breeze – a mere allegory for her ferocious pursuit for a definitive answer at the metaphysical level.

Jacob studying Medicine at Churchill

14

Languorous afternoons spent reading Wittgenstein constitutes the basis for Jacob’s primary means of recreation. The voluminous manuscripts provide ample diversion from the indubitably moribund condition of the human race.

Nicola studying MML at Downing

28

Leaning to the right, Nicola’s posture symbolises the maudlin state of contemporary international political structures, where a plethora of grandiloquent hegemons control the quiescent masses with an excess of bravado and autocracy.

Rupert studying Land Economy at John’s

7

Oxbridge allows Rupert scope to explore his voracious curiosity for the various discursive paradigms of the intelligentsia via a chic coiffure, au courant apparel and fastidious deportment. Exhausted from the debauchery of the prior eve, this self-described pleur disrobed from dinner suit to birthday suit.

Marie studying History of Art at Tit Hall

27

Sophisticated and caustic, Marie avoids the hedonism of the mediocre individual, preferring the idiosyncratic pursuit of efficacious accomplishments and a punctilious cultivation of ennui.

Nigel studying Engineering at Jesus

25

Aesthetic pleasure via the panacea of the living world leaves Nigel emotionally desolate whilst the dogmatic pursuit of materialism obscures the dynamism of the human condition. Instead, he pursues illumination via elevation above Cambridge’s discernible spires.

Cameron studying English at Medwards

13

Fleeing the quintessential, Cameron pursues fulfilment through the synergy of her distinctive personas as a subversive and nonconformist lyricist and philosopher while embracing the effervescence of culinary eminence.

Chris studying Politics at Queens’

19

Elevated above the inchoate attempts to discern enlightened awareness by his erudition, nonetheless Chris’s milieu provides a surfeit of corpulent scoundrels whom he revels in patronisingly condemning.

Sarah studying Architecture at Sidney

3

Sarah seeks pecuniary success through a desultory examination of the impetus to attain the paraphernalia of pulchritude. The subtle glow of the faery illumination metaphorically reflects the luminosity of emotional attachment.

Liam studying Mathematics at Magdalene

2

Pondering the meaningless of life, Liam conjectures that his newfound capacity for numerical manipulation should be used for virtuous, rather than inimical, objectives.

Polly studying Law at Homerton

12

A keen disciple of the pandemic of illustrations accompanied by inscriptions which saturate the internet, Polly strives to transcend the constricting inhibitions of academia via the preternaturalism of the unembellished, ascetic state.

Johnson studying Natural Sciences at King’s and Angela studying Psychology at Selwyn

33

Controversially, Johnson and Angela claim a surfeit of ecclesiastical exploits will transcend the contemporaneous preoccupation with the mundane and corporeal, catalysing an appreciation for the metaphysical.

Andrea studying Geography at Wolfson and Davis studying Computer Sciences at Emmanuel

4

Eager to repudiate the patriarchal culture of modernity, Andrea and Davis strive to foreground the contemplation of the avant-garde as opposed to the antediluvian phallism of pyrotechnic illumination.

Theresa studying Classics at St Catherine’s and Michael studying Economics at Trinity

30

Supporting the hypothesis that the godless existence of the elite facilitates a feckless disregard for the disadvantaged, Theresa and Michael fervently contend that the supremacy of materialism will be overcome by naturalist endeavours.