LIVEBLOG DAY 2: CUSU Freshers’ Fair 2016

Freshers, this is your chance to sign away your life to any and all societies. We’re live from the Freshers’ Fair at Parkers Piece and Kelsey Kerridge Sports Centre to bring you all the keen freshers, society gossip and Domino’s pizza. Come see us and collect your FREE Freshers’ Week Print Edition.

18.02 That’s a very belated wrap, mainly because we were so overjoyed to be released from that horrifically green room that we forgot. Apologies. No more freshers’ fair for another year, although freshers should channel their keenness into coming along to our writers’ meeting this Friday at the Maypole at 6pm.

13:53 Brexit may have caused waves for Europe (Soc), although a Tab investigation has shown their relationship with Germany (Soc) has remained unscathed, ensuring future prosperity and longevity for the European (Soc) project.

13:47 Eagle-eyed readers will remember yesterday’s controversy at Europe Soc, where none of their bureaucrats showed up for work. We caught up with them to ask a pressing question: is Europe (Soc) doomed to fail?

“We now have two officials stationed at our stall. Europe (Soc) will hopefully remain prosperous organisation”.

13:40 The Tab is once again surfing through the stalls at the fair.

Upon asking Quiz Soc the strangest thing that’s happened at this year’s fair for them, they replied “nothing of interest has happened – although, one of us did try to oversell our society”.

Quiz Soc always living up to its raucous reputation.

13:27 Freshers seem to be getting younger and younger these days. I guess sharking is out of the window then.

13:15 Rory and resident sex-symbol Robert Shearme have taken over the task of live-blogging. God help us all.

12:56 A fresher has just called The Tab “the Cambridge Drug Society”. So business-as-usual, really.

Pick up a copy of our Print Edition to read our Drug Survey, revealing Cambridge’s druggiest colleges and subjects.

11:37 AND WE’RE BACK. Shani here, kicking off the liveblog for today with this fantastic quote about The Tab from a fresher to the Varsity table next to us.

“Look, they don’t even have to try. That says something.”

Couldn’t agree more.

TUESDAY

16:14 The rush of freshers has slowed to a small trickle, although the general enthusiasm levels in the hall has not decreased. It’s probably because they’re all still starry-eyed and eager. Your Tab hacks, on the other hand, are feeling the effect of a long day of liveblogging/enticing freshers with stash. That’s the end of the liveblog for today. See you tomorrow.

15:27 “All of these people will be unemployed one day” – Jack Benda 2k16

15:19 In-house cynic and second time Investigations editor Jack Benda is finding all the bright-eyed little shits nauseating. You have no idea what this place will do to you. In-house optimist and current columnist Molly O’Connor feeds off your youth. Keep ’em coming.

14:17 Upon leaving Kelsey Kerridge to get some fresh air, Rory has noticed the line for entering the building is now going round the block due to maximum capacity inside. Take note freshers: CUSU-sponsered events aren’t best known for their organisation.

14:10 Editor-in-Chief Oliver Yeates, pictured smiling as he dolls out copies of the Print Edition to excitable freshers. Not pictured: the stress associated with an Online-only newspaper foraying into the scary and confusing world of print journalism.

14:05 Molly has been taken aback by the ~sass~ of some of this year’s fresher cohort. On telling them about our Print Edition interview with Cantab turned Bake Off star Andrew Smyth, one replied, “get an interview with Selasi, and then we’ll talk”. Ouch.

13:53 BREAKING: CUSU takes another stand against #freezpeech by making the Cambridge Union Society – world’s oldest society dedicated to debate and free speech – pay a higher tariff which the Fair’s other corporate stalls have had to pay. The fight for safer spaces continues.

13:41 Even the cold-hearted journalist moving through the fresher fair knows a good-cause when he sees one. Pink Week 2017 in Lent term will be organising a range of charity events, all to raise money for cancer research. Hit them up on Instagram for more information.

13:34 The 2016 Fair has seen a new innovation being trialled for the Cambridge University Technology Society. Unfortunately, it appears we will have to wait another year for machine-operated fresher stalls to really kick off.

13:25 Update on the Europe society. It seems their lovely PR person is happy to entertain onlookers, but it looks as if the European bureaucrats have failed to show up for work behind the desk. Is Europe (Soc) doomed to fail?

13:20 The European Society gave us their thoughts on the biggest news story:  “we’ll never stop focusing on the culture aspect of it. We’ll be reporting about Brexit, but the cultural side is most important for us – hashtag not bitter”.

13:11 Lia is struggling to work the water machine here for fresher use. We hope her other pursuits, such as her second-year English course, are going better for her.

13:08 A fresher just came up to the Tab stall and told them “The Tab IS Cambridge’s most interesting paper. I’ll probably give TCS to my parents to read though…”.

13:03 Tab journalist Lia has just informed participants answers need not be true. The hackery has well and truly begun.

Cam’s American Soc’s enthusiasts REGRET last night mojitos. Grad applications wait for another day.

Their one and only request for any American freshers: just don’t vote for Trump.

 

12:58 The Tab bumps into Cam’s favourite edgy society, ARCSOC.

We asked them the their biggest regret of freshers’ week thus far: their only response was featuring in this very paper. They also said that ARCSOC doesn’t need a tagline (edge speaks for itself, we suppose).

12:51 Tab tip 101 for intimidating our competition: taking candids of them as they peddle their inferior  goods #badblood

12:45 Easter Term 2016 Ex-Editor Molly is wooing potential future Tab stars. She matches their fresher confusion with unbounded excitement:

 

12:35 Dep-Ed Rory and woman-about-town Lia have taken over the antisocial task of live blogging to bring you the freshest gossip, like this candid photo of a Varsity editor reading The Tab. And they always say they’re too good for us!

12.25 SCANDAL. While we’re nice and dry in Kelsey Kerridge, apparently the marquee on Parkers Piece is leaking, leaving some societies completely soaked. We’ve got exclusive pictures of a semi-destroyed looking tent. One society member told us “It’s really hot in here but at least the condensation raining on us keeps us a bit cooler even if we are wet”.

12.04 This is Editor-in-Chief Shani with a slightly late start to the liveblog. Apologies. Blame our incredible keenness to actually interact with Freshers rather than sit antisocially in a corner (I know, how very 20th Century). Also blame the outrageously slow internet. I know everything 90s is cool again, but this is really ridiculous. On a happier note, we’re armed with Print Editions, come grab one.