Skullduggery Unpleasant: King’s College library seeks return of missing skull

Students of King’s college received an email this morning with one important question: have you seen this skull?

Yes, the (Kings)dom of the Crystal Skull has been infiltrated and the librarians are out of their minds with worry. It appears it’s even easier to lose your head around here than previously thought.

In the wake of yesterday’s revelation that Shakespeare’s grave appears to be missing a certain vital appendage, speculation has arisen as to whether the ‘Library Skull’ has some connection to the Bard’s newly vacated spinal column. Its ‘expensive’ and ‘difficult to replace’ nature has only increased suspicions. However, a further conspiracy theory has arisen, in the form of this coincidental snapshot from Christ’s last week:

The saga continues: Christ’s library have confirmed that the Christ’s skull is not the same as the King’s skull, meaning that there are simply a disconcerting number of decapitated heads (both barcoded and unbarcoded) circling the university, one of which may or may not belong to a semi-notable Renaissance playwright.

Being somewhat removed from the usual library email fare of overdue fees and scheduled lectures, the lost and found skeletal duo have provoked attention on social media, leading to further pertinent questions such as ‘You can take skulls out of the library?’ and ‘Could this be the Skullion of Porterhouse?’ As to why skulls appear to be extremely overrepresented compared to, say, arms or kneecaps at Cambridge, nobody can be sure.

King’s library has not taken kindly to their newfound internet fame, and has requested that tweets relating to the email be ‘immediately removed’ due to ‘unwarranted press attention’.

Let’s hope Kings’ students comply, or undoubtedly – dare I say it – heads will roll.