BREAKING NEWS: Cambridge is blown away

As the treacherous storm Barney wrecks havoc across the country, we don’t know WEATHER our university will survive

leaves wind

Cambridge students have not been THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND today, with many reporting serious disruptions to their routine.

With winds recorded up to 80mph, the drama is really HEATING up. Many students across Cambridge now sit inside their rooms, hearing Barney beat aggressively against their windows.

The city centre has been awash with cyclists unable to keep in a straight line, being pulled from left to right at top speed due to the incredible strength of Barney and the weight of their library books. Clearly, this demonstrates the GRAVITY of the situation.

Who knew a giant purple dinosaur could be so destructive?

Cambridge is used to the harsh winds of Siberia, but this is uncharted territory. Barney may sound cute, but he’s certainly dangerous with flood warnings also in place across the UK. It seems like this will RAIN over us for some time longer.

The chaos was caught on footage (warning: not for the faint of heart):


Bins have been toppled over. Hair has been blown in every direction. Smokers have found it impossible to smoke just one cigarette without relighting it at least ten times. Life has certainly not been a BREEZE today.

In an exclusive, one student told the Tab that, “It’s been a fatefully windy day in Robinson today, rendering me unable to leave my room. Word on the street is that a phys NatSci fresher was blown off his bike into Sidgwick and he’s still stuck there, lost amongst the medieval literature in the English faculty library.”

A 100% accurate photo of what the storm is like all the way over in Girton right now

Another told us a harrowing tale. “I was cycling home from Sainsbury’s with my groceries in my 5p plastic bag, when a gust of wind struck me and all my shopping blew everywhere. The pavement was covered in apples, my basic range pitta breads fell apart and all my biscuits crumbled.”

A pile of leaves captured last night on camera in a Cambridge college.

What’s going to happen next is looking a bit FOGGY at the moment, but we can officially reveal that it’s a yellow flag and so some of you may still be set to row tomorrow. Sorry rowers.

You’ve been warned, Barney is on the loose and he’s ready to attack.