Watery apocalypse plunges Cambridge into Dark Ages

It was a bastion of modernity before

Cambridge College flood Hermes Homerton New Museums Sight Queens'

Students were today left aghast as the University’s online network went down, preventing them from doing all the holiday work they were definitely not avoiding.

Flooding in various colleges and University sites – the result of a particularly intense thunder storm the night before – knocked out Cambridge Uni’s entire system, including the internet server and eduroam wifi.

Areas affected included the New Museums site, the Chem Eng department, the Scott Polar Research Institute, Homerton and Queens’ College Library.

Students at home were left unable to access such necessities for life as CamSIS, their Hermes emails and the websites of a couple of illustrious Cambridge-based student newspapers.

Hey look. Water

Jack Benda, going into his second year of English and Magdelene, told the Tab how it had “literally ruined” his holiday, leaving him “hysterically crying”.

Other students have also been similarly distressed with Olly Hudson, prominent member of the Labour club, remarking “I’d just about gotten over the time this happened last term, and now this. First they denied us a reading week, now they’re coming for our servers too.”

“How am I supposed to start my dissertation now? I’d been looking forward to it so much”

Adam Rushton, a mature student staying on in Cambridge at Wolfson, stated “I’m lonely enough as it is, let alone without wifi to Skype the friends I made on my double gap year”.

Not everyone was unhappy, with Cambridge University dons celebrating as their quest to take the city back into the dark distant past was partially accomplished.

“I never actually liked that ‘internet’ thing anyway”, Dr Arnold Twattingsborugh, Professor of Ancient Greek Vase-Carrying and avid collector of soil, told The Tab. “It distracts students from the important things in life, like Port and archaisms”.

The Tab is pleased to report the crisis has now been resolved with minimum loss of life.