Trinity College is falling apart

Trinity has taken on the personification of its students right now and is having a breakdown.

Urinals, printers, gas leaks… the list doesn’t stop there, forcing students to passive aggressively take to the library feedback board to demand answers.

Don’t mess with a Trinitarian with weak bladder control

After hours spent in revision mode and drinking uncountable amounts of coffee to keep awake, poor students are unable to relieve themselves in close proximity as the library toilets have been broken for most of the exam term and remain unfixed to this day.

Workmen attempt to salvage the broken college, but the noises from their efforts are driving the library inhabitants mad and calls for dishing out more cash for overnight work have been made.

No one likes a builder’s bum

But that hasn’t been the worst interference. A broken Sky remote – reputed to be still broken – in the JCR prevented students from putting their feet up and enjoying Graham Norton’s sassy commentary from last week’s Eurovision.

Historian Trinity fresher, Rahul Dev, said: “No toilets, no printers and no Sky Box? This is the apogee of Cameron’s Broken Britain.”

Up your game, Trinity. Even the most intelligent minds of our generation need a toilet to piss in.