How cringe is YOUR drinking society name?

 

This list ascends from the perceived least cringe to cringest names on the block, and is not exhaustive.

PUNTERS FLUVIO RATUS GREX

Ok, so if this was an actual name of an actual Cambridge drinking society in a wholly non-ironic sense it would be damned cringe. But really it’s the punters cottoning on to the fact drinking society names are cringe and reacting in Cambridge accordance (i.e. with cutting satire …  ). Though this is still a bit cringe because the satire isn’t subtle enough and the society names aren’t actually in Latin.

PETERHOUSE PETALS

It’s so incredibly cringe that this is actually one of the least cringe names on this list, just as the twenty-something-year-old musician wearing an anorak and sandals looks infinitely cooler than his friend, the twenty-something-year-old-musician wearing head-to-toe Topman.

ROBINSON RENTALS

This name oozes parentally instilled insecurity. They’ve accepted the fact they’re cringe already. You can return them once you’ve inevitably had enough.

CATS KITTENS

These blokes don’t wanna be catty. It’s all fun and games with them: the cuter, the fluffier, the better. N’aww.

CHRISTS MARGUERITES

Same vibe as the Peterhouse Petals, but more dedicated to the cringe seeing as you have to know what marguerites are to appreciate fully. White in colour, their purity shines through while they tuck into their lamb dopiaza in Curry King.

SIDNEY ROUNDHEADS

Ooooh such history references, so informative. But really all the name evokes is the rounded contours of Mr Blobby.

NEWNHAM NUNS

Lol

SELWYN HERMES

Not Zeus. Not even Apollo. Not EVEN Poseidon!! Hermes. Jus’ the messenger. Rumour has it these ones like their relationships to stay within the comforting confines of Hermes Webmail Service at those times when they’re not partying it up with Michael, a karaoke machine and some convex mirrors.

UNIVERSITY WIDE MISFITS

You can’t get more skins, or more misfits, than being in the drinking society ‘misfits’. I’m offended I haven’t been included in the drinking society ‘misfits’. (N.B. I’m not being a bitch, I really do want to be a misfit. Especially if I get to wear an orange jumpsuit).

QUEENS’ CHERUBS

This drinking society name oozes virility and is not the slightest bit creepy.

QUEENS’ KANGAROOS

Often shortened to the flippant ‘’roos’, these males are allowed into the drinking society once they pass a fiendish test pushing themselves to their greatest limits of physical exertion. Think drinking a dirty pint is weird? Try doing exercise for 8 hours straight before being allowed to join in the Gardies swap.

CLARE CRABS

The joke here is fairly obvious.

CLARE LOBSTERS

As if calling a group ‘Crabs’ wasn’t dodgy enough, the females literally paid homage to this name in calling their society ‘Lobsters’. They might as well have gone the whole hog with ‘Herpes’ or ‘if you have sex with me you’ll regret it’.

CAIUS SQUIRES

The hitcher from the Mighty Boosh but like loads of them all in one place drinking. And holding shit for more important people.

TRINITY MINXES

This is so Trinity. They’ve managed to add a hint of cunning to the basic bitch drinking society names such as ‘harlots’ and ’s.l.a.g.s’. But really it’s a drinking society.

GIRTON GREEN MONSTERS

Why didn’t they just name themselves green giants and be done with it. That’s what everyone thinks they’re called anyway. Everyone wants to party with the green giant. Big things happen when you eat your curry. No one wants to party with the green monster. He’s just cringe.

ST JOHNS SWANS

Slender necked and aggressive, you don’t wanna be messing around with the Queens’ birds. Could get an asbo.

HOMERTON EPICS

Epic, man!

SIDNEY S.L.A.G.S

Yup. There is officially a drinking society called The S.L.A.G.S. I’m not sure ‘cringe’ quite cuts it but it had to go in somewhere fairly high up in this list.

MAGDALENE GENTLEMAN WYVERNS

This would be ok if it weren’t for the ‘gentleman’ bit. How cringe can you get. I enjoyed the embellished invite from The Gentleman Wyverns in my pidge during freshers, the actuality of which was a boozy dinner followed by a booth with free VKs in Kuda.

MAGDALENE BELLADONNAS

The cringest part of my being in this drinking society is the personalised frilly garter. This name seems somewhat rogue considering who Magdalene is named after and the general theme female drinking societies seem to be going down. Not only is ‘belladonna’ Italian for ‘beautiful lady’, it is also the name of a deadly nightshade which has been alternately used to poison people and dilate a woman’s pupils to render her more attractive looking.

But if you’re going to be cringe…you might as well go all out cringe, hey?