Tab’s Lonely Hearts and Marketplace
Not content with it’s Agony Aunt, The Tab would like to further intrude on your personal life with a Lonely Hearts section.
Here are this week’s:
Selling place on law lectures. Contract 10am Friday 23rd January at Sidgewick Site. £10 per ticket. PM me.
Well-paid graduate job, in London. Looking for someone with 10 years’ experience and no higher education. PME.
I saw you again cycling over Orgasm Bridge. Beautiful, slim and streamlined. Oiled all up right good, shining in the miraculous sunshine. My bike. You stole my bike, you bastard.
Hi, I’m a lonely guy. Looking for an internet relationship. Reasonable, informed person with strong left-wing views. Hobbies will include attacking and mocking your opinions. Comment below to find me.
Student stuck at Cambridge Marketplace. All roads curve in Cambridge. Keep ending up back where I started. Cannot escape bubble. Send 3 course dinner.
Selling second-hands books, may have some highlights, vomit, and 16th century manuscript in them. Pop by and just picks up. Address: UL, West Road, Cambridge.
Sick of all the swaps. Looking for a heart to hold. A real heart. Personal message me here. Violently excited. My serial number is #KI113R.
The name’s Dick Shaun Nary. I’m an alpha. I’ve written you 26 letters. Why haven’t you written back to me?
Life’s always getting me down. Cam looking for a bridge.
I saw you sultry, dirty, so wet, and so so dirty. Diseased. Please clean the river. Yours sincerely, over involved constituent.
Ladbirdsladbirdladbirds swap swap ladbirds
Selling 4 textbooks, 1 gown, and a knock-off degree. Oxfam Book Store, Sidney Street.
Lost my Ladybirds. Ladybirds. Ladybirds. Where are you?
Send your lonely hearts to [email protected]