Fashion Dos and Don’ts: On the Slopes

In preparation for the annual Varsity Ski Trip, Tab Fashion wishes to give you all a heads up on how to look good on the slopes, regardless of skiing ability.

You don’t have to be a good skier to look good

DOS:

• Colour: you may have seen them: herds of blonde girls who apparently all went to the same ski shop and bought the same black salad pets and black jackets (although some may push the creative boundaries and opt for a fur trim on the hood). Apart from making it very difficult to tell who’s who, it’s also just fucking boring. So please: inject colour into your slope attire, it can be anything from a bright helmet to a full blown fluorescent jacket but please restrain yourself from falling into the ‘black uniform’ trap.

  This is boring.

• Reflective goggles: Yes please. These have a crazy (positive) effect on people’s perceptions of your skiing/boarding abilities. But, girls, be aware: they make literally every guy look hot so before you start makking out make sure you’ve seen them sans goggles.

Also useful as a mirror

• Fancy Dress: On the mountain is the perfect time to showcase your fancy dress creativity: you will be noticed by everyone. Group outfits are always a winner. But limit yourself to only one outing in fancy dress.

See how much fun they are having?

• Hip flasks: nothing better than a tactical tipple on the bubble. For more seasoned drinkers, I’ve heard the use of a platypus as a vehicle for alcohol is never frowned upon. The only thing that is frowned upon however is drunkenly carving up the piste on the way down from the après bar.

He’s got the right idea

DON’TS:

• Onesies: these are the recently revived 80s pastel coloured all in ones. Quite often worn in a ‘look what I found at the back of my dad’s wardrobe = I’m edgy’ way. In reality you look ridiculous. If you do find one in your attic, please abandon/burn.

Points for parallel skis, minus points for outfit

• Unzipped jackets: the person with the unzipped jacket flailing all over the place either is a reckless skier, or looks reckless because of the condition of jacket. In other words not a good look/ not something you want to see hurtling toward you at 80km/h.
• Goggle tans: perhaps a clichéd ‘don’t’ but despite people being ‘embarrassed’ at their panda eyes, we all know that they are secretly beaming about being able to show off a) that they went skiing and b) that they tan.

If she can’t pull it off, you definitely can’t

• Ear muffs: an ugly and less efficient version of a hat.

This is how cool you will look

• Bare skin: very hard for anyone to pull off: t-shirts, shorts (surprisingly popular) and vests are all big NOs. It makes everyone feel cold and let’s be honest no one wants to see pasty dry skin, which is an inevitable result of spending a week on the slopes.

There you have it. Stay safe people!