Cambridge’s Most Eligible Bachelor: Week 2

LIVE BLOG: FRESHERS WEEK

Fresher’s week is an exciting and anxious time for us all.

Our first fledging steps as Cambridge students, embarking upon one of the most defining stages of our lives.

Most people turn up just looking for a good time.

Others arrive with an immediate agenda; to be a footlight, row blues or to lose their V plates. A few, like Christ’s fresher Benjamin Taylor, just want to be hated.

Since our first meeting last week I have painstakingly searched through the archives and managed to unearth the original tweets from fresher ZBH himself as he embarks upon his Cambridge career, offering a unique insight into the early personal development and motivations of Cambridge’s Most Eligible Bachelor.

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Day 1: Friday 30/09/2011 

An unreasonably arrogant fresher departs for his first term at Cambridge and is yet to learn that the self-imposed epithet inspired by the hip-hop fusion duo Chiddy Bang was certainly best left back in rural Surrey.

Note also the curious use of the ‘studentlife’ hashtag.

It’s origin is still a mystery but proves prominent in first few weeks. One can only hope that the “the bridge” is never referred to again.

Day 3: (Sunday)

He is quick to latch on to the college Alumnus network, and makes sure people know that he was invited to the annual 3^rd year-hosted fresher’s party.

Three years later he remains a regular attendee.

Day 4: Monday (AM)

Here the harsh realities of first-year Natural Sciences are clearly hitting home.

It is also at this point that his childlike writing style first becomes apparent.

 (PM)

The habit that will come to define him amongst his contemporaries – namely that of fabricating alcohol abuse – surfaces here.

Day 7: Thursday

Questionable hashtag re-appears; at this point he is still coming to terms with university life it seems.

He plays college sport (severely overestimating the importance anyone places on such matches) and is quick to boast of his own achievements.

Childlike writing style and spelling inaccuracies becoming ever more apparent.

Day 8: Friday

Exaggerates the fact he drunk a beer last night and revels in his social acceptance from older members of college.

Day  11: Sunday

Confident as always.

(Still unclear as to whom is the intended audience is for these announcements: possible early signs of unmerited self-importance visible here).

Day 14: Wednesday

Thinks he has made it.

Will be living off this for the next three years, despite being mainly injured or a substitute.

Day 15: Thursday

First official week of term only just over and he has already found his niche, diving enthusiastically into the two spheres of Cambridge life he deems most likely to help him pull: Sports and Swaps.

He will take another few terms to become self-aware and realise that irony is the most valuable currency in Cambridge.

As such the double-denim combo won’t be seen until 2^nd year.

On swaps the nicely ironed white collared shirt will soon be replaced by carefully chosen horrors from charity shops – since it becomes essential to give the impression that one is cool enough to be invited, but also cool enough not to care.

Cindies will be momentarily sidelined in lieu of Fez and the Fountain, only to be fully re-embraced as graduation approaches and nostalgia kicks in.

 Enjoyed this? Then follow @ZacBaynhamHerd for live updates from “Fresh Kid” himself, or for a detailed and fascinating chronology of his time at “the bridge”

More ZBH coming up next week.