Yew gotta be joking: John’s gives trees to cancer

John’s is doing its best to help people

Cancer johns march yews

You’re reading it here first, folks: John’s is deciding to help people.

And it’s a no small cause they’ve got involved with: they want to do their bit to stop cancer.

Such an outflow of altruism from this ostensibly grand college is not without its caveats, however.

The aid – well-intended, of course – is something of a means to an end as it helps rid the college of its garden waste.

Instead of festering as compost, annual yew tree clippings from its 60 year old hedges will go to European pharmaceutical companies to help treat cancer.

Soon saving lives

The cancer-busting compound, mighty 10-Deacetylbaccatin III, is best found in new needle growth. Tree boffins then use it to develop chemotherapy drugs to help the treatment of breast and ovarian cancer.

If you think that all sounds too good to be true, you’d be right.

Still dicks

Not only does this liberate the college of stuff it doesn’t need, it also comes with the less charitable caveat that a yew tree collection company (yes, they actually exist) pays to collect clippings.

Protesting cancer

Perhaps more impressively though, last night’s cancer march drew over a thousand ‘protesters’.

Cheers, John’s.