Freshers Flu in Peru

It is inescapable; this malady manages to cross oceans and several international boarders without a passport. Alternatively, it came to my attention too late that when arriving at altitude mixing sleeping pills, a large beer and 3/4’s of a cigarette (I used to be cool) were perhaps not the ideal cocktail to welcome my unaccustomed, weak body to the pressure of being at 3,400m above sea level.

Anyway, all of that is unimportant… FRESHER’S FLU. Perhaps the point of this article is to unveil to you Freshers, and to many others, that this illness is inevitable. It’s your unnaccustomed body being hit by the higher pressure and lower levels of oxygen found in the vicinity of Cambridge. Work shall crush your lungs and Life will crush your dreams.

The worst (or best) news is that you can never rid your blood of some residual toxins of Cambridge. Maybe if you look up the true meaning of the terrifying sounding word “matriculation” you will find out that it actually refers to a less hardcore than Voldy’s malarkey but just as irreversible creation of a horcrux as you sign that matriculation form…

Each slide of your pen opens up a cut deep inside you that will never truly heal. There’s a barely perceptible flash of light and a slight sinking feeling inside your stomach. It’s done. A horcrux has been created; it contains part of your soul and will be forever kept in a chest in the master’s lodge until you graduate and donate a six figure number to your college in later life.

This is the only real explication as to why I am lying in bed with a banging headache a painful stomach and wishing my mum was here to give me tea and sympathy. Sound familiar freshers? If not then it’s a glimpse of what’s to come…

Of course, all of this is simply a hypothesis, don’t let it ruin your Fresher’s week. Have fun, dance lots, make friends -I’m probably completely wrong.

God knows I hope that week 5 blues doesn’t travel across the Atlantic to find me… Only time will tell.