The Tab wades in and pulls out some superlative tunes to help everyone out there struggling with Aunt Irma.
We are here to help you through the toughest moments of your life. No, we are not talking about exams: we are talking about alleviating the burdens every woman must face every month. You may disapprove, but we guarantee that this playlist will, at the very least, help with Aunt Irma.
Fuck the Pain Away – Peaches
Gentlemen, listen up, this is where it’s at – while it might be difficult to put up with her inner Godzilla during the high tide, you can help by taking a swim in the Red Sea. She might love you so much she’ll even make you an after-sex sandwich. So be brave, plunge in and follow Peaches’ advice.
Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
A romantic ode to women’s biological burden in its finest form – what else is a period but love that failed to become a smiling, screaming little foetus? Leona shares how she “didn’t need the pain, once or twice was enough” and the agony of her chorus cries sums up the week. Bonus: 1:23 is every woman’s face when she keeps, keeps bleeding love and everyone around her thinks she’s going crazy.
I Hate Everything About You – Three Days Grace
Fairly self-explanatory, really.
Red is Blue – Ben Folds
“You’re looking for the cure and you feel like you’re the loneliest girl in the world” is essentially the universal sentiment that accompanies the tiding of the Red Sea. It’s oh so true that there’s “trouble in your head now” nobody knows “what to do” and it “seems like up is down and red is blue”. The fact that this is Hoodwinked soundtrack should make you feel better though, ladies – this is THE film for the worst days.
Even Flow – Pearl Jam
Eddie Vedder wisely captures the eternal female dilemma of unpredictable mood swings and general psychopathic tendencies in his monumental lyrics: “Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies” and “woo…ah yeah.. fuck it up” denote that he’s a man of much experience.
Sunday Bloody Sunday – U2
“Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away… How long must we sing this song? …I’m so sick of it… How long, cause tonight, we can be as one.”
This is the only thing you will ever need to know about any Bloody Sunday. Read between the lines.
My Blood – Ellie Goulding
The Tab believes this to be the ultimate Menstrual Anthem as Elle Goulding has dedicated an entire song to it, from beginning to end. Effectively, she summarises the logistical problems that every woman knows all too well (such as turning around and “blood is all I see” and that “God knows I’m not dying but I bleed now”). But let’s not delve into too much detail…
Bonus: Don’t worry, be happy – Bobby McFerrin
Don’t worry ladies, it’ll be over soon. You’ll suffer a few more bumps down the road and reach the glorious peace of menopause as a non-menstruating, pseudo-female creature. Oh wait, that’s not what you want to hear is it…
You’re welcome womankind. If you have any personal favourites or suggestions for a potential Part II, let us know in the comments below.