Cantab(le) Manners Too Good For Politics

Author and former Cantab James Pembroke claims Cambridge students are too “drab” to make leaders – as shown by their impeccable dining manners.

The former president of the True Blue dining society claims that student life in Cambridge is overly regimented, which results in Cantabs lacking the vigour of Oxonians.

Oxonians are so wild that they have uniforms

The author describes, in his recent book, Growing Up in Restaurants, The Story of Eating out in Britain from 55 BC to Nowadays, how Oxford’s Bullingdon Club embodies the zeal and fervour of a Prime Minister.

What’s more, Pembroke alleges that Cambridge undergraduates have a level of drabness akin to “Chairman Mao”, the brutal Chinese revolutionary.

The average Cambridge student

Pembroke claims that we’re “too busy getting trashed to trash other chaps’ rooms” and thus lack the necessary leadership skills to make it as PM.

Despite such controversial statements, his statistics do raise eyebrows, with 13 post-war Oxford alumni Prime Ministers and not a single Cambridge alumnus filling no. 10 since Stanley Baldwin in 1937.

Despite Cambridge’s 90 Nobel prizes, as compared to Oxford’s official 48, Pembroke tactfully ignores the link between the ability to destroy a restaurant and success outside of politics.