The Cambridge Dictionary

ADRIAN GRAY articulates those Cambridge reactions you just never had the words for…

Adrian Gray Cambridge climp dictionary Douglas Adams extroph geraint jumily koodle lumb muntosaur nouns quindant Tab terishian the meaning of liff verbs wuzzer xylofone yarnitter zubbidybubbidy

Imagine if you’d invented a word. Like, a real word.

Seriously. Imagine you’d invented the word ‘mop’. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Every time you saw a mop, a small, knowing smile would creep its way onto your face; a warm, fuzzy sense of joy would bubble its way through your torso. You’d die happy, probably.

As it happens, one of my aims in life is to die happy, so I thought I’d have a go at inventing some words myself, as well as providing them with a series of debatably humorous definitions. Admittedly author and Cambridge alumnus Douglas Adams beat me to this idea by roughly twenty-nine years with his book ‘The Meaning of Liff’ but that’s not the point, and anyway, Adams’ words didn’t have a location-based twist.

Mine do, though, as I’ve cleverly applied the concept to Cambridge, only with a lesser degree of wit, skill and originality than Adams. So, here it is: The Cambridge Dictionary.

Alloke (vb.) – to stare either into space, or at the ground, in order to avoid eye-contact with one’s supervisor outside of supervisions.

Boffler (n.) – a plump and jolly male porter who tries to learn everyone’s name.

just your bog standard x

Just your bog standard Boffler

Climp (n.) – someone who finds Girton’s location hilarious.

Doffilate (vb.) – to invent the page number of a quote or paraphrase, of which one cannot be bothered to research, based on how far into a book it seems most likely to be.

Extroph (vb.) – to move or attempt to move the topic of conversation away from the fact that someone is spending ‘half their time at the ADC’.

Flushume (vb.) – to walk into someone else’s college and instantly realise you picked the wrong one.

Guilty of flushume since '54

Responsible for flushume since ’54

Geraint (n.) – someone called ‘Geraint’.

Hytard (n.) – someone who takes the Oxford-Cambridge rivalry a bit too seriously.

Immarsipate (vb.) – to tell someone you’ve done no work in the hope that they’ll say the same thing back.

Jumily (n.) the brief look of hope on a big issue seller’s face when eye-contact is accidentally made.

Koodle (n.) – a highly elusive group of exclusively Asian students.

Lumb (adj.) – to describe a female student whose popularity is inexplicable considering her personality.

Measance (n.) – the sense that you and your bedder have become slightly too close.

Muntosaur (n.) – a prick who, for no known purpose, cycles too fast, with no hands, and quite often whilst staring at his or her phone.

A backwards Muntosaur

A backwards Muntosaur

Neventer (n.) – a student with whom one shares their number in freshers’ week, only for them to cease to exist.

Orted (adj.) – to describe someone who is so drunk from pre-drinks that it is both unsafe and unnecessary for them to actually go out.

Piroove (vb.) – to ponder upon the personality of a person in your lectures who, despite interesting in appearance, you are yet to speak to.

Quindant (adj.) – to describe the feeling when one’s essay (or Tab article) receives a lukewarm reaction.

Redross (vb.) – to regret liking a Tab comment after someone highlights how it is, in fact, sexist.

Possible redross

Do 49 people redross?

Splife (adj.) – to describe the sense of delight felt when a muntosaur almost crashes.

Terishian (n.) – a student who, while unassuming and quiet during the day, is outgoing and sexually prosperous at night.

Umniprent (vb.) – to see and hear the word ‘meta’ on a regular basis, without knowing what it means or bothering to ask.

Vaggess (vb.) – of conventionally attractive female students, to tilt one’s head, lean back, and smile in exactly the same way in every photo.

Wuckshite (n.) – an overly laddish second-year intent on rapidly befriending the more promiscuous female freshers.

Wuzzer (n.) – a person, usually encountered when one is late for lectures, who refuses to walk either at a sensible pace or in a straight line.

Xylofone (n.) – a student who owns and uses an eight year old Nokia, and is oddly proud of this fact.

Yarnitter (n.) – a student who feels the need to delay the end of every lecture by asking an unnecessarily complex question.

Zubbidybubbidy (n.) – the realisation that you’re lonely, stressed, incapable of maintaining long term and/or meaningful relationships, not as intelligent as you thought you were,  and that really you just want it all to end.