RAG Blind Date: LIVE

Evening, Cantabs, and welcome to The Tab‘s live blog of RAG Blind Date 2013. Read live text updates from couples out on the ground, as young romantics attempt to woo their mystery partners. Many an awkward conversation will be endured; many an armpit will become drenched in sweat. But will hearts be broken?

Keep up to date with the live Twitter feed below, and receive expert analysis from one of the Tab pundits that brought you Jailbreak 2013, “the best live blog ever”.

As ever, we want YOUR input.

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @TabCambridge (#tabblinddate)

There will, of course, be additional news from the phones of many a Tab section editor – TabTV’s Max Toomey, Theatre’s James Macnamara and Deputy Editor Laura Grayling, to name a few.

More importantly, Editor John Bardsley awaits his fate after a mysterious last-minute bribe secured his company on this, the most romantic night of the year…except maybe Thursday.

Tweets by @ragblinddate.

23.44 My hypocrisy has just dawned on me: I just called someone ‘tragic’ for sending me a drunken text. I am blogging said drunken text. And many others. Think this calls for me to sign off! Thanks for tuning in/ sending me emails, Tab readers. It’s been good fun.

Keep the emails/ texts/ tweets coming and we’ll post the best of the bunch in the morning. The night is, after all, just getting started for many a love bird out on the town!

23.36 Tragic, tragic text from a member of the Tab team! Will remain anonymous due to the extremity of his/her tragicness: “Kind of thinking about dancing. But with my date? This is all too much guys. Also so many people I have fancied here. Curse you Cambridge…”

23.26 Tab titans John and James have decided they’re having a man-date at The Anchor, after both their Blind Dates recently concluded. “Real date”, says James, before sending me this shocker:

How old are you?

23.18 More Twitter action:

Shocking combo. Good call, really.

23.16 Speaking of cats, just received word from my co-Deputy, Laura, who says: “My date is a cat lover. That’s a plus.” She’s not lying; this is the first I’ve heard from her all evening.

23.13 BREAKING: The Cat claws are out, thanks to the Blind Dater that just emailed me. Her “tit of a date” failed to show – Raoul-Gabriel, since I’m meting out Justice – so instead, she “got cocktails with a cute guy who said I was hotter than his date according to her profile picture.” Kudos. “Awkward moment when she turned up and her date wasn’t alone. She may have got him for the rest of the night, but I’ve got his number and his room number…”

Keep us posted, mystery romantic. We like a scandal.

23.02 Majority of dates clearly struggling to make it past the three-hour mark. This just in from an anonymous second year girl at Churchill: “Date gave me a kiss on the cheek. Got an allergic reaction…the romance ends here.” Ouch. You sure that’s not the love bug bitin’ ya?

10.59 “Enjoying my night with a certain Tab hipster. Pity he’s so short. Perhaps if I get him a box to stand on?” Your date’s talking about you, Felix. Not very subtle, is she?

10.56 “He went for the lip lunge, got the cheek. #gutted”

Close, but no cigar. 

10.49 Number one rule of Twitter being adhered to impressively here: when angry, turn to hashtags. They help to ease the pain of heartache: “My date found her inner animal in morocco on her gap yah #noshefuckingdidnt #allow #takemetoCindies #therealoc”

10.47 Just dawned on me that our updaters have probably given a distorted impression of the Cambridge dating scene. Hardly gonna get your phone out if you’re having a good time, are you?!

10.45 Sad to say that, on the whole, Blind Date has lowered my opinion of gents in Cambridge. Another night to forget, according to a friend of mine: “Just left – the half bottle of wine beforehand couldn’t keep me going any longer! Nice guy, but dull as dishwater. Didn’t even get bought a drink.” Unacceptable, quite frankly.

Fancy proving me wrong? Email me: [email protected].

10.39 Just been on the phone with a fairly drunk, near-incomprehensible John Bardsley. Think he took to the drink in an attempt to hide his intellectual inferiority in the presence of the TCS/ Varsity editors.

10.37 News from The Tab‘s Sport Editor, Sam Hobbs, who’s also gone in search of love tonight. He and his date are watching Delphic at The Junction. Not bad, eh! Here’s what he had to say: “Delphic should have worked harder on their second album. However, very impressed by choice of date, very fun evening. I have failed to embarrass myself as of yet. Still time though.”

10.30 Another Shaggy fan! And he is also lanky, like me! We are kindred spirits. “My lanky date has started dancing boombastic by shaggy to impress me. #notimpressed”

22.25 An update on Theatre Editor James’s movements ce soir: he and his date somehow managed to leave The Mill without paying (?!) but have since returned to right their wrongs. “Mill staff happy,” he texts. “Caius bar with the lads. Date very comfortable with such an unsavoury bunch.” Pretty good outcome, I’d say.

Unless she suddenly decides she fancies a urine sample…

22.19 We’re reaching the stage of the evening where things get a little pointed if it’s clear that love ain’t being reciprocated. Such is the case for one tweeter: “When a girl gives you the wrong number take the hint. And stop stroking me“. Blind Date can be a cruel, cruel business.

22.14 You might be late, emailer Andrew, but you have made an unbelievable call for best love song ever. Check out this classic…it’s less ‘V-Day’ and more ‘World Peace’, granted, but the sentiment is there. What a cracker.

22.10 Felix is evidently having some trouble keeping up the conversation on his date; so much so that they’ve resorted to drawing pictures of each other. I’m speechless.

22.03 Anyway, could be worse. This tweet makes for horrendous reading: “My date just asked for a urine sample…” THIS. IS. CAMBRIDGE.

22.02 This one, not so much. “Getting awks,” the caption reads. Come on guys, sweat it out. You can get rid of each other soon.

21.58 More successful dates taking place in what looks like The Jolly Scholar. Take a look at Yin and Yang:

 

21.55 Blind Date photo via Twitter, courtesy of @ReanneMackenzie. “Token blind date selfie” she proudly boasts. It’s love.

21.53 Mr Football, aka solitary wanker, has been back in touch: “ITV suggest ‘coming from behind and doing it the hard way’…are they talking about Celtic, or RAG Blind Date?” Shudder. This is clearly a very twisted individual.

21.42 Our first saliva swappers have been spotted outside Revz. They’re playing tonsil tennis, or so I’m told. But is it a five-setter? Photo evidence, mystery texter, and I shall give you a free Tab tee.

21.30 “Aaaand just ran into my ex. Awkward.” Ouchy. Is your Blind Date hot, at least?

21.27 Features Editor James Mitchell has just sent in a photo of him and his new lady. What a babe magnet. But will you be Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

21.23 BREAKING: The million dollar photo. Those smiles can’t hide the awkardness, kids.

Left to right: Tristram Saunders, Aliya Ram, Salome Wagaine and The Tab’s John Bardsley.

21.16 Things not looking so great for Debate Editor Felix. “For use in emergency only,” he claims. Wonder if things have got that desperate yet.

21.14 Bardsley’s “In intense journo chat” – future media giants right here, ladies and gentlemen.

21.08 She’s at the table. He’s in the bathroom. They’re texting RAG about each other:

“Half an hour ago my date ran off to the toilet. He hasn’t come back yet. He’s probably having a huge shit :S”

….

“Why won’t it go down? I’ve spent the last half an hour thinking of Robert Pattinson…she probably thinks I’m having a huge shit :S”

They used the same emoticon! They’re clearly made for each other.

21.04 Another no-show, this time for TabTV’s Max Toomey. I am outraged! Max is incredulous. “How could she stand up a Blue?!” he asks in bemusement (see 19.21). He’s not too hung up on her, thankfully: “gonna steal someone else’s date x”, he writes. ‘Atta boy.

21.00 BREAKING: I HEREBY DECREE THAT THE FIRST BLIND DATE COUPLE TO SEND ME A PHOTO OF THEIR JOYOUS FIRST KISS WILL EACH RECEIVE A FREE TAB T-SHIRT. Trust me, you want one. Your move, facesuckers. [email protected]

20.57 My pizza may be cold, but the Blind Date action is beginning to hot up.

20.56 Nice to see romance isn’t dead, my man: “Date going well. One hand texting, the other putting on a condom.” (Photographic proof, please?)

20.53 Man, this guy moves fast. And he’s into guys too, it seems! What a catch.

20.47 We’ve had to keep some names under wraps in the past 24 hours, so I’m well up for naming and shaming tonight. Especially for date bailers. Voila:

“Blind date: Stood up by Nicolas de Juniac. Lucky escape?”

20.44 EMERGENCY: Our photographer’s bailed on us. Is anyone at/ near The Anchor? I reaaaaaally want a snap of this awkward double date between the newspaper editors. Someone get down there and take a snap for us, will you? Go on, for the good of Cambridge.

20.41 Meanwhile, below ground (perhaps on the exact same spot?) in La Raza, “a girl from Fitz has turned up to her date very, very smashed. She can barely sit on her chair.” THIS is what happens when the pre-date drinking goes too far. Someone’s not getting lucky tonight.

Remember to get in touch!

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @TabCambridge

 

20.39 Just received a text from a couple of young ladies who live on the top floor above Gardies (friends in high places…literally) surveying the scene below: “…spying several men clearly waiting for dates. One even has a rose!” Hats off to you, kind sir. 

20.36 Looks like Vaults is the place to hunt for minglin’ singles tonight, though. Just been tweeted this photo of the pavement outside. It’s mobbed!

20.33 BREAKING: News from Tab Editor John Bardsley. Perhaps he’s only just picked his jaw up off the floor? His text is bleak: “It’s the Varsity/ TCS editors. Good job I brought a Tab t-shirt along to iron out the social creases here.”

We’re hoping for photo evidence shortly, so stay tuned.

20.28 First photo update of a happy couple out on a date tonight!

Get in, son.

20.25 A very worried gent in the Twitterfeed above: “In strada toilets. She’s just ordered 2 pizzas for herself and hinted that she never carries money – the gent always pays. Help!”

In-house expert Bertie (infamous) suggests you do a runner. He’s been doing that for a year a half, and his girlfriend hasn’t left him….yet.

20.22 Champions League update from our solitary wanker (see 18.58): “If tonight has taught me anything it’s that while it’s all very well persuing something beautiful and stylish, you really need to score when you get the chance….”

Some inspirational advice for our guys and gals out there on the ground. 

20.20 More heartbreaking news, though, this time from Features writer Will Heilpern. Incredibly dejected text: “turned up and some girl came up to me and told me my date has been taken to hospital.” Ouch, that must be tough to take. Stay strong, bro.

20.17 Tab turned matchmakers. Great success!!

 

20.12 Some really nasty people out there. Check this text out: “Hey, I’m really sorry, but not sure you’re really my kind of person. Your friends did a great job with your form, but I have work too. (I guess it’s like, being a student or something.) And I’m afraid I can’t really be bothered to waste my time.”

Cold. So cold.

20.09 BREAKING NEWS FROM THE VAULTS: It seems as though we have found a worthy gentleman for Rivkah (see 19.58). He’s called Ryan, and he wants to see you tonight, Rivkah! Waddaya say? Email me: [email protected].

20.00 Editor John Bardsley has just sent me a nervous text en route to his mystery date. Little does he know, we set him up with a few ‘friends’ of his…more to follow.

19.58 Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Rivkah, the girl who has been stood-up at the last minute (see 19.27):

Let’s find this girl a date! Tab readers, anyone fancy taking this lovely lady out on a date this evening? Send me an email if you’re feeling romantic, [email protected]. We can NOT let this girl spend an evening in solitude. #GetRivkahADate

19.53 Hearing of some rather mortifyingly personal details on some of these submission forms. Here are a couple of faves:

Perfect date film: “Star Trek 2009”

How to get me into bed: “A well-written LISP programme”

First kiss: “A runtime error.”

Drink of choice: “Semen.”

Tab Debate Editor Felix is thoroughly unimpressed with that last one: “That’s about as original as fraping someone with “I <3 cock. I don’t have high hopes for this one.”

19.47 Tommy Shane, resident Tab Lothario, has just emailed me his plan of action for the evening: “My date isn’t until 9pm, but I’m preparing by going to the ArcSoc film night where they’re showing ‘In the Mood For Love’. It’s a PG, so probs no boobies in it, but hopefully there’ll be some real ones for me later.” Well, someone’s in the mood for love, clearly.

19.43 Shaggy just came on. Is this legit? Probably not.

19.41 Moving swiftly on: I’ve just created the most incredible Valentine’s playlist EVER. On a quest to find the best V-Day song in the history of mankind. So far, so Nat King Cole.

Got any better suggestions? Tweet us: @TabCambridge. 

19.38 “RAG Blind Date @RAGBlindDate: Just pulled a large splinter out my ass, not ideal date prep….” I know, I didn’t believe him either. I have, however, just been sent photo evidence. Is anything ever too crude for The Tab? Here goes:

19.33 Comment below: “hmmm… would it be rude to pop downstairs and join the pancake date?” Most certainly not. Tell you what, take a photo of said pancakes and mail it in: [email protected].

19.31 Meanwhile, my dinner’s ready:

I know, I know. Don’t be nasty.

19.27 Some may call this cruel, but I call it Justice. Just received word that a certain fella called Tanjil has bailed on his date at the last minute. “Can we name and shame him?” my source asks. “That would make my happy.” Your wish is my command…

19.21 Progress report from the mastermind behind TabTV that is Max Toomey. He’s hitting The Vaults to film TabTV ‘Confessions’ before his blind date starts at 8.30pm. “My date thinks I’m a Blues rugby player from John’s, she’s either going to be pleasantly surprised or mightily disappointed.”

The latter, methinks.

19.18 Can we just take a second to congratulate the fantastic achievement Karate Blues? Completed a seventh straight Varsity win last weekend. The Tab report’s just gone live. Read it here.

19.13 Anyone else think JMac sounds nervous? Second text in as many minutes: “Only managed one stiff drink before leaving. Feeling warmer. Think I’ll try and get there early. Always know when to be first at the scene. Learnt that from Wallander.”

Keep calm, buddy. Girls don’t bite.

19.11 Rumblings on the Twitter feed. “Our date!” accompanied by a photo. 7pm start? Someone’s trying to get this over with as soon as possible…

19.05 First update from Tab team member James Macnamara: “due at the Mill at 7.30pm. Half an hour and a bottle of Sainsbury’s bourbon, and all shall be well…”

Concerned.

19.03 Feel as though I should clarify things with regards to the feed above: the tweets coming through are exact copies of texts sent to RAG HQ from couples out on dates – not just the actions of the lady/ gent in charge of the feed. Or else he/ she would already be having an interesting night…

18.58 Ooh, another anonymous texter. How do all these people get my number?! Oh well, here goes: “Champions League night tonight, so no blind date for me…just a solitary wank after Celtic vs Juventus”.

Awh, cute.

18.53 Just received a one-word text from an anonymous Cantab: “Pills.” Really hope this wasn’t in response to my last update. Think it probably was.

18.46 Pre-date tips? Send in any advice for our romantics.”Get really drunk before the date” seems to be the most popular hint at the moment.

18.42 Sorry, but the Editor and I are *sharing a moment* here. Just sprayed him with aftershave. He squealed.

18.31 To get you in the mood:

18.22 If you’re on a date, use The Tab as a handy icebreaker: email us a photo of you and your partner when you first meet: [email protected].

Text RAG (whose number you’ve been given!) to see your updates appear on the Twitter feed. If you’re not out tonight, forward us your friends’ texts – let’s share the love!

18.21 There’s a real buzz around the Tab studio as the editors prepare for the night ahead.