Rod Runs For NUS President
Inanimate Carbon Rod #1 – your next NUS President?
A carbon rod has announced that it will be running for NUS President.
Inanimate Carbon Rod #1’s manifesto lays down several campaign promises that are set to really speak to today’s student population. Mr Rod wants “an NUS that fights for the rights of all inanimate members of society, not just meatbags” and, perhaps more importantly, to encourage the “breaking down of boundaries between inanimate carbon rods and real people.”
Rod claims to have the support of the Springfield Nuclear Power Pant and NASA, including famous astronaut Buzz Aldrin.
He went on to add: “As President, I will represent all students, regardless of politics, and without sarcasm or aggression or inaccessible language and behaviour, because as an inanimate rod, I am incapable of having or displaying emotions.”
In reaction to the news, Joel Fenster, a former NUS delegate told The Tab: “The NUS has become shockingly out of touch, barely even pretending to represent most students. Controlled by a small left-wing clique, it is little wonder few Cambridge students could even tell you what its initials stand for.”
“Perhaps a carbon rod isn’t the answer, but right now we have few alternatives.”
Rod also has shown he isn’t going to shy away from controversial subjects. In his manifesto, he advocates “working with activists and staff in Student Unions across the UK, turning their Unions into factories to assemble pieces of the Students’-Workers’ Bomb.”
He even has a campaign video!
So, can Rod become the first inanimate object to hold the position since its creation in 1922? Only time will tell.