12 ways to say you go to Bristol Uni without actually saying it

‘Even big Sainsbury’s struggles to supply the copious amounts of oat milk that the Bristol population consumes’

3 years ago

Welcome to Bristol, where you can spot one of the university students from a mile away; you’ll hear Drum and Bass bellowing in the distance, and their XXXL clothes will flail like a flag in the wind.

If the outrageously edgy outfits aren’t enough to make them stand out in a crowd, here are the other totem poles of Bris that only a student here will relate to.

It’s more common to smoke than not to smoke

If you didn’t know how to roll pre-Bristol, you do now. And if you’re seen with straights in the smoking area, the reception will be purely remarks about how rich and boujee you are; a pack of Marlboro golds is precious cargo, don’t go handing them out freely. However, it has to be said, I am also seeing a rise in Juulnation at the moment.

Eat a pitta

Eat a pitta’s got no business being that cheap and delicious. There is certifiably crack in that hummus.

Posh person diet

Segueing nicely from the previous point, there are so many crunchy-wholefoods-veggie-posh people here. Good luck trying to find any Oatly in the shops, even big Sainsbury’s struggles to supply the copious amounts of oat milk that the Bristol population consumes.

I guarantee that most people in Clifton have no idea what a Rustlers burger is. But that’s probably for the best. Hey, if you can afford to get your avos from M&S, don’t stop on my watch.

Red Stripe

You know you’re in Bris when the recycling bins are full of Red Stripe cans and nos canisters, it is a staple in the Bristol boys’ diet after all, alongside weed and underground music, obviously.

Ridiculously good nightlife

Whilst Lakota and others alike have made the best of a bad situation with sit-down events, there’s nothing quite like cutting shapes on a sticky dancefloor surrounded by sweaty strangers; and with plenty of big names in clubbing, Bristol’s the best place for it.

For some reason everyone loves the smell of their keys?

ngl the ponies’ ket stash has been severely raided

Bristol is a dangerous place to be if you’re a horse in need of tranquilising, because unfortunately, all the ketamine goes directly up the scholarly noses of the Bristol students.

‘Should I get my decks out?’

I used to be impressed when a lad told me he mixes, now I realise that everyone and their mum does it. Resist the urge to harass the resident DJ to let you have a go on theirs.

Bristol fashion

Bristol’s always in on the latest trends, and nothing’s too crazy. When I come home from uni, I have to remind myself that flares of varying animal print aren’t so accepted by the elders in my small village. The girls here dress like groovy chick and at this point the boys are just picking the ugliest articles of clothing they can find, but it’s fine because it’s Bristol, so it’s just part of the whole edgy vibe.

If you thought that when coming here you wouldn’t slip into the attire of the city, you thought wrong. Your clothes will get baggier with each week that you stay, no one is safe. I’m sat in my buffalos and headband as I type this.

DnB

Do you even go to uni here if you aren’t a little fiend for drums? Want to relax and just listen to some chill tunes? NO! ONLY FOGHORNS!

Extortionate amounts of Londoners

Me when a Londoner starts talking about how great London is *cries in East Devon*

All the Londoners seem to congregate to Bristol; there’s tonnes of them. When I first moved in, my flatmate didn’t ask where I’m from, she asked which part of London I’m from. I swore I wouldn’t pick up on any of their slang, but the terms ‘peak’ and ‘calm’ keep weaving their way into my vocabulary.

Oxbridge rejects

Bristol is full of ‘em. It does mean you have plenty of intellectual conversations at afters though. This is also likely the reason that you spot a mullet-boy with a signet ring and a Y2K-rah gally every fifty metres.

Skins

It’s a rite of passage to have watched Skins as a student here. Effy was the blueprint for us cool, complex, mysterious girls after all, and Freddie skating down Park Street is surely the inspiration for many of our skater boys.