Trainers that need to be left in the mess that is 2016

Let’s not make it harder than it has to be

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With only five weeks left of 2016, it’s time to reflect on how we can stop next year for being so absolutely terrible. We should wave goodbye the reliable Stan Smith and re-gift those New Balance to your dad because, let’s face it – they’re the dad bod of the shoe world. Here are all the trainers that need to be left in 2016:

Stan Smiths

Stan Smiths are about as rare as the common cold. A poll earlier this year officially confirmed them as the most basic trainers, and it’s time to say goodbye. It doesn’t matter if you avoid the classic green heel patch – you’re just as basic as the person next to you, who’s probably also wearing Stan Smiths.

Like so last year

Like so last year

New Balance

Disclaimer: if you’re currently wearing New Balance, take them off and burn them. This might sound a little bit dramatic, but for a lot of people across the globe, this is exactly what they have done. Burning New Balance have been lighting the way for anti-Trump protests after New Balance endorsed his trade policies, which is the embodiment of all that is wrong in the world. The repercussions of this may be fatal for the brand, as Neo-Nazi blogger Andrew Anglin said the brand are now the “official shoes of white people” and will be a “fantastic” way to be able to recognize other racists when out and about. We think it’s time to hang up your NB’s for some trainers with a little less controversy and a little more fun.

love triumphs over hate

Love triumphs over hate

Nike Roshe Runs

It’s time for these to stay at the gym. You’re one of those people who loves Instagram – we get it. Not all shoes are as politically motivated as New Balance – some are just plain vile and need to be left at home or given to someone you don’t particularly like. The reliable Roshe was never meant for this world (the world outside the gym). The more you wear them the more they look like the sole is going to burst. The jarringly bright patterns of palm trees or sunflowers are even worse.

Huaraches 

The only thing more offensive than wearing Huaraches is wearing Crocs. Not only will look like the type of person who has a “cheeky Nandos”, but you also look like you’ve purposefully chosen to wear shoes that aren’t even ugly in an ironic way. If that’s not enough, the Huarache design is based upon a sandal, which explains the completely uselessness and ugly excuse for a strap that makes every pair come up small.

Nike Air Force

The Air Force has become the shoe of privately educated, North-Face wearing Millies and Lydias at unis like Leeds and Manchester. Although they weren’t one of the most over-worn shoes of 2016, they definitely caused a few double takes when spotted around campus. Yes, they may be more individual than converse, but they resemble a kind of avant-garde dinosaur shoe that the world just isn’t ready for (and hopefully never will be).

Ugly, ugly, ugly

Ugly, ugly, ugly

Nike Air Max

They should have been left in 2015 loool.

Black and white Adidas Superstars

Despite the name, there’s no inclination of super-stardom from these trainers. If you’re happy to become part of the furniture then sure, continue rocking your Superstars the way you rocked your first pair of light up shoes as a kid. But unlike your childhood crepes, these definitely won’t make you run faster. It’s fair to say Adidas is bringing out some crazy new colours, but if you’re thinking about splashing out on a fresh pair of black and white Superstars then, frankly, don’t. There are so many other options – please don’t need to condemn yourself to the bright white plastic toe cap that looks like you’ve squeezed your feet into a size too small.

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Reebok Classics

At first it was fun, but I don’t get how they haven’t run out of colours yet. No longer a classic, they’re an Urban Outfitters dream that are literally everywhere.

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