Ireland vs Australia: International Rules is here

Choose your side

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On the 28 September at the Bournbrook pitches, the University of Birmingham plays host to one of the most exclusive and aggressive rivalries in all of sport.  That is, the International Rules fixture.  A compromised rules match between the Gaelic Football team and the Aussie Rules team.  Both teams, renowned for their domestic triumphs and drinking habits, will collide in what is surely going to be the University of Birmingham’s must see sporting event of 2016.

It doesn’t really matter if you don’t know what the rules are, but if you want to check them out, there are many videos on YouTube that explain it.

The Tab interviewed Gaelic Football President, Joe Tilt, and Captain of Aussie Rules, Josh Evans ahead of the match, in order the gauge the hatred between these two teams.  Safe to say, they didn’t disappoint.

Joe Tilt left representing Gaelic Football, towers over the muscular physique of Josh Evans from Aussie Rules

Making the case for Gaelic Football, Joe Tilt told the Tab: “Gaelic football is, of course, the obvious team to root for. We’re not like those posers from Aussie Rules, who parade round the field showing off their armpit hair as a desperate attempt to prove that they have actually made it through puberty.

“It’s embarrassing to see them all chase an egg round a field with nothing but a vest and a pair of shorts on. We are a relatively more modest bunch, and enjoy nothing more than a pint and a sing song.

The enjoyment of the craic is evident in our camaraderie and it pays dividends when it comes to the pitch. Plus we are first division champions, whereas the only opponent they play is an old man and his dog.”

The Gaelic Football team celebrating St Patrick’s Day

In response, Josh Evans told the Tab: “Aussie rules has an emphatic success rate when it comes to International Rules. We have won the previous three encounters and it’s safe to say we have their number.

“Why would you support a team of losers? They don’t even play contact. I’ve seen them train, and from what I can see is a bunch of guys trying to hug each other or spoon on the floor.

“To be honest, I just think they’re a bit jealous. We have the looks, the hair and, of course, the tan, whereas they look like the ghost of Michael Jackson. As reigning champions, it is not only our duty to beat them, but to humiliate them.”

Above pictured, Team Aussie Rules standing in solidarity together

When asked about their chances (considering they have lost International Rules for the last three years in a row), the Gaelic team were confident, telling the Tab: “This year is different, very different, with a revolutionary new set of rules.

“The number of players has reduced, and therefore the superior agility and fitness of the gaelic team (along with our speed and skill) will be the decisive factor in Gaelic football securing victory.

“Also the inclusion of women into international rules is an excellent opportunity for our seasoned girls to school the Aussie rules girls. The ladies have come runner’s up in their league this season as well as in champs, and their pedigree cannot be matched by the Aussie rules ladies who do not play as many fixtures.”

In response, the Aussie Rules team said: “Don’t be ridiculous. We have three women who play Aussie Rules for Team GB, and what we lack in experience we make up for in talent, passion and hunger.

“Let’s be honest, the Gaelic football team is just a bunch of failed footballers, who rely on drink to forget about their own personal problems.”

Clearly, the tension is palpable between the two sides. It may well be that a repeat of last year is possible, which resulted in no less than four injuries, with two requiring medical attention from the hospital.

If you want to see the match, it will take place on the Bournbrook pitches tomorrow night at 6:30pm.