I spent a day as an undercover Law student and it was soul-destroying

Studying Law is like the Hunger Games. You want to kill everyone, you’re starving, and you want to die.

The day started at 7 am. Both my primary school and secondary school were within five minutes of my house, so I have never had to be up this early in my life. It was dark and it was freezing cold. It felt like I had awoken in an igloo.

Before I left I had a serious think about how a Law student would dress themselves. I decided in order to go undercover I’d have to make sure I was inconspicuous. So I decided to pose as a Hogwarts student.

No one will ever know

I met with Jennifer at 9:45. Jennifer was to be my law student/sidekick for the day. We have been close friends since 2008, so I knew she was someone on the inside that I could trust. Jennifer explained that she has a 10am lecture and an essay due before we could meet with other law students.

At 9:23am we saw a guy cross the road in the middle of traffic. Turns out he was going to the same lecture as us. I had high expectations for this course.

Jennifer was my inside source

At 9:45am we headed for the first lecture of the day.

As it turns out, a day in the life of a Law student is cattier than a ninety-year-old woman’s living room. Jennifer claimed that “nobody likes anybody” in Law and she’d “rather just skip this lecture”. I convinced her to stick it out as I needed further insight into this world.

There were three lecturers standing up at the front for this class. I was worried they’d shine a laser on me like a bouncer in Box for acting the eejit and I’d get booted out. But my disguise worked, and I went unnoticed.

So far undetected

We abruptly bailed on the lecture at 9:59 with one minute to go. Jennifer claimed she was “suffocating under the weight of everyone’s egos.” As was I. I saw a guy wearing a fedora in that lecture hall. We’re on the cusp of 2016. I’m glad you’re not studying fashion.

“So when’s your next lecture or tutorial?” I asked. “That’s it for the day. Law day over.”

So apparently a day in the life of being a Law student involved harbouring such a devastating hatred for the course that they skip the only lecture scheduled. As we left, there were maybe thirty people in the hall. Which meant almost all of these people hate this course as much as Jennifer does.

But the day of a Law student didn’t end there. We headed to the library to begin our first summative essay, due on Monday. Once there, we met with another Law student, Corey McFarland. Given the opportunity to ask some important questions, I interrupted his flow of concentration to seize my opportunity.

Corey hard at work

I asked Corey how long he’s been interested in law. He shrugged, “when I found out you could make loads of money off it”. I was intrigued. When asked for advice on how to spend the day as a Law student, he told me to get wasted. Did he like my scarf? “No, take it off”.

Scrapping the library, we decided to meet up with Stephanie Lindsay, who bombed out of the lecture after the tutor began sharing his personal vlogs. She explained that most Law students are more concerned with the Law Ball than actually studying the course itself. It was suggested that I attend the Ball. I nodded and gave an emphatic, “yeah, right enough” before realising I’m not even going.

The crowd ate lunch at The Other Place on Botanic Avenue every week. Upon asking Stephanie for her notes to “catch what I missed” in the lecture, I discovered something enlightening about Law students. They’re all ready for jumping off the roof of the Students’ Union.

Terrifying

After having a munch over some dark and insightful lols, we headed back to the library to do more work on this essay. Jennifer and fellow Law student Ben began debating over the thematic matter of the essay in true courtroom fashion. Things got heated. I had to leave before I was called to the stand as a witness. I think I heard one of them say “objection!”.

This continued until someone (me) suggested the Union for a classic essay writing and chill. The conversation along the way regarded how much my new friends wanted to die, how much they hate Law, how controlling this essay was, and how ludicrous it was that Jennifer had never seen Star Wars. But mostly about the wanting to die thing.

The Law students immediately opted for a pint each to ease the pain.

It’s a pint of WKD – they didn’t have Windolene at the bar

At this point I was in the company of four people, four laptops, and four broken souls. It’s worth saying that not a lot of work got done. The motivation was sapped from these poor children as if they’d just pulled a Dementor. Jennifer was listening to Adele. I think that says enough.

All four students decided to leave suddenly and without prior warning. Work effort? Around two per cent. Banter? Around 98 per cent.

So what did I learn spending a day as a Law student? Well, the subject itself makes its students want to eat glass. The amount of motivation to conduct any sort of work effort is practically nonexistent. But the claws of a Law student are sharp and fast. The sleggings come at the speed of sound and the comebacks hit at the speed of light.