How to pull off the perfect walk of shame

It’s unavoidable, the cold, shaky walk home in the chilly morning after a night out. But it doesn’t have to be an ordeal. If you perfect it, it can actually be fun.

Embrace your ‘shame’

First off, never call it the walk of shame, or the strut of smut for that matter. It’s the stride of pride.

Own that run of fun.

You’re a pimp now, own it

Stick to your own clothes only

Some girls often take boys’ hoodies from the house they stayed in that night. This is a rookie mistake. You’re just begging people to shout abuse at you on the street. Same goes for boys’ trainers.

You gotta look like you’re dressed up fancy to go out again this morning, not like you’re only coming home from a night out.

Yeah, it will be cold, but be strong.

Best attempt to hide those pesky lovebites from the night before too as judegment will surely ensue

Keep to the side streets

If wanting to avoid embarrassment, try to steer clear of any main roads. Alleyways and side-streets are great means of escape (providing that it’s daylight and not dodgy).

In other words, don’t walk through your uni campus, or yeno, past a church full of accusatory adult eyes.

Ok maybe don’t go through this alleyway though

Misery loves company

Ring somebody so that even if anyone does notice that you’re a dirty stop-out, you can look distracted and pretend you don’t notice they’re staring and laughing at you.

If none of your friends (or even your parents if you’re feeling desperate) answer, pretend to be on the phone.

Phone boxes are not an option – You must keep on the move

Keep moving on up

Be swift and silent. Don’t literally run, that’s too obvious. But no matter how hungover you are, don’t hesitate to power-walk until you see your building. Then it’s home sweet home.

Quicker than walking I guess, but not as incognito

Get your bearings

Last but not least, in fact, maybe the most important point – know where you are. For the love of God, do not leave that house without knowing your location. Especially if in  a different country (it can happen).

Even if it does embarrassingly mean asking that guy smoking from his bedroom window in the house across the street what road you’re on, it has to be done. Don’t start walking if you’re too far away from your safe-house. Don’t worry, taxi drivers have seen it all.

Keeping in touch with friends via Snapchat is always a good shout as to helping yourself get home

So there’s your rules for your stride of pride. Follow them wisely. And in the words of that bad guy on the other end of Liam Neeson’s phone in Taken; good luck!