Every single time Tom Clare warned us he’d be the true villain of Love Island 2023

There is simply nothing worse than a lacklustre man. And, tragically, Love Island’s Tom Clare is proving himself to be as limp as they come. On a footballer salary, six foot five inches tall, chiselled and fit — it’s unsurprising Tom has been the first choice of guy for almost every women who’s walked through the villa’s doors. But it’s after the coupling up when issues arise that Tom’s demonstrating some problematically passive red flags. He sits back and does a big fat nothing while chaos ensues around him, occasionally muttering “I don’t know. I don’t know.” This is weaponised incompetence.

Tom stepped into the world of reality TV categorically “not into drama” yet, has been the key cast member who’s causing exactly that. Last night, his snog-filled secrets came spilling out and he received a bollocking from not one, not two, but three of the villa’s women (God bless Zara, Ellie and Olivia). But, regretfully, we should have seen his treachery coming from day one:

Tom was all about a good time from the get go

Immediately from Tom’s pre-villa interview he made his intentions known: to have a “good laugh”, a “good vibe” and not be “snakey” on the show. And look, we get it, it feels nice to have everyone like you. But sometimes that involves letting people down gently, rather than allowing numerous women to dangle by a thread until eventually they sack you off themselves. Yawn.

As Ekin Su told this year’s contestants: “Love is a battlefield” !!

He has never once looked Olivia directly in the eyes

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After the whole Zara v Liv competition erupted Tom was pulled by both women for numerous chats. He told Zara his “head is with you” while reassuring Liv “I still want to get to know you. I’m not closing this off”. The best of both worlds for him. Constant anxiety for the girls. But invariably during every conversation with Liv, Tom didn’t look up once. There was no spark. No chemistry. And none of Liv’s favourite thing: Eye contact.

Yet, despite having seemingly no feelings for Liv, Tom’s keeping his experiment going. One unhatched egg in everyone’s basket.

After Zara got frustrated, he didn’t speak to her all day

Obviously, as any sane person would, there came a point where Zara couldn’t take Tom’s lack of passion and communication any longer, exploded, and was painted as a villain as a consequence. But rather than addressing the frustration Zara was feeling, Tom did what all frightened men do— hid.  This exacerbated the entire fiasco and Zara wound up in tears wondering why she was getting aired by the guy who (hours earlier) had claimed to be all in. Someone tell her it’s because this man is a coward !!!

He inadvertently told Zara he only liked her for her body

Nobody wants to be made to feel like their entire existence boils down to the fact they’ve got a good arse, which is why Zara was so hurt when Tom described his perfect woman (body: Zara, face: Olivia, personality: Lana) and only her physical attributes made the cut. Proclaiming it was “just a game” in the same way someone who’s just made a misogynistic joke calls it “banter”, Tom denied any wrongdoing until he was bollocked by Will and declared: “If she’s going to get annoyed over that then I’m out”.

Luckily for him, thanks to his behaviour, Zara was out too.

He told Olivia he likes her when he doesn’t (again)

After freeing himself from the shackles of the toxic situation he’d created with Zara, Tom scuttled up to the terrace with Liv where he (once again, without looking in her eyes) began to bang on about how he still wants to see how things go with her because there’s “something there”. This, from the outside looking in, seems fundamentally untrue: Where is this unfinished business he speaks of? When will it come to an end? Olivia is begging him to be “affectionate” but there isn’t a snog in sight. Evil.

He then snogged Ellie on the exact same terrace ten minutes later

Just moments after Olivia exited the most bone dry chat the terrace has ever seen, Tom was up there necking new girl Ellie in a crime that was all Ekin Su without the joy or passion. Obviously, because he has a spine made of plasticine, Tom agreed to keep the kiss a secret from everybody else in the villa. Please, when will he put his neck on the line for SOMEONE?!

And, actually, he’s totally smitten with Lana – Sorry!

Fundamentally, there’s something suspicious about Tom’s lack of drive when it comes to the battle field of love. This man is a professional sportsman. He understand tactics. Competition. So, this laissez-faire approach simply does not add up. And, after closer analysis of footage from Unseen Bits, I’m calling it— Tom has serious vibes with Lana.

As if it weren’t enough that he opted for Lana’s personality when concocting his “perfect woman”, in previously unaired footage, Tom whipped off his shirt one evening to help Lana with an exploding shower. The scene would be perfectly at home in a 90s romcom. Suddenly he’s productive, has personality, motivation and charisma? Something is going on here:

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Love Island 2023 continues at 9pm on ITV2 and ITVX. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.

Image credit via ITV 

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