Navigating life after Durham: A graduate’s perspective

Studying at Durham can feel magical. I mean, why not? It’s got a medieval feel in its pebbled footpaths! In these old historic buildings, the roses attach themselves to the stone walls, the beloved formals with those Hogwarts robes and well, the centre of all our attention, the Castle (And the Cathedral, can’t forget that). Ah, castle, my beautiful college.

I wanted Castle because I was an archaeology student at Durham. My time at the castle made me realise how beautiful and fun life can be when you are not pulling an all-nighter for your summatives. Adulthood then knocked on the door, and I got a job. Awesome right? Honestly, I am not complaining in this economy. Now I have moved out of Durham to a new city for my first ‘big girl’ job. And even though I am technically living my childhood dream, I still constantly miss so many things about Durham.

Finding yourself after university

So, for all of you at the university, in this article, I am exploring some in-between-stage struggles I am experiencing in this new city. When you live in a fairy tale place called Durham, no other place seems right for you. Especially if you’re living in a slightly bigger city with a rough population, this can seriously vary if your job takes you to another dream city.

Alas, some of us go to places we might not have heard of, and when we arrive there, we are like, “Oh! I miss Durham so much”. This really sticks with you. You talk to new people, and you annoy them with your Durham talk. They nod along because they are also new to the city and think they can tolerate you for a while because they want to make friends too. 

Breaking the university bubble into the real world

But the truth is, when you are new to a city and not a student, even simple things are difficult. Like making friends, going out for drinks, or even clubbing. This is our daily routine for us, Durham students. You feel lonely, go to the marketplace and BAM!!! You end up in a pub or club, before you can make it to Tesco. But in the real-life world, opportunities aren’t handed to you; you create them for yourselves. You don’t become your dream man or woman immediately. It takes time. How much? I don’t know, I’m new to this as well…

But all jokes aside (a crying emoji), this transition period works differently for different people. For some, it might be a week, for others, it can be months. So what can we do, suffer? (Don’t think it will be easy with the new job on the side/priority). It helps by believing in ourselves and knowing that everybody goes through this, and you are not alone. There are people 1km from you wondering the exact same thing as you. Everyone is different, your transition period doesn’t reduce you as a person or the person you were in Uni. Uni is a completely different experience, for example, the real world would not like to accept some of the behaviour you got away with during your studies. This is what it is. 

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Graduate accomodation vs university housing

Another thing which I personally struggle with is the housing situation. When you are in Uni, the size of your household doesn’t really matter. Some friends of mine live in a 7-bedroom house, and they like it, because everyone in their university house will likely be a student, especially in a university town like Durham. You all go through the same things, go out in the same places, cook together, flirt together and end up either hating or liking each other.

It’s the same story. Real-world housing situations come with a plot twist in a predictable movie. People who live in these houses are very different, so even when you live together, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically best friends. Everyone’s got a different job, some you might not even understand. You all will be in different age groups, so it gets harder to match social levels, and honestly, after a long 9 or 8 hrs of work, you’d rather Netflix and chill at home. Nothing’s wrong with you or with your housemates. It’s just what life’s like now. 

Finding the light

If it sounds too dull for my outgoing peeps, don’t forget about the weekend off. There’s a hype for Friday and Saturday nights for a reason. Go wild or just enjoy your off days, depending on your personalities. Some might be wondering how they’ll enjoy their new chapter in life if it’s hard to make friends. Well, the answer to which is go solo or go out with your co-workers, depending upon your style. You’ll also realise how easy it is to bond with your co-workers more than any other people. In archaeology, we trauma bond over our sore bodies after a week of excavation. So be ready to be friendly to your colleague, respect the professional boundaries and just enjoy. 

This in between stages is very weird, but remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Oh! and hope for the best. In the meantime, I’ll work on my own advice and try to like this new city while I get over my lovely time in Durham.

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