Ranking the entire cast of The Celebrity Traitors by who’ll actually be a good Traitor

After what’s felt like months and MONTHS of rumoured cast lists and speculation, the official lineup is actually here for The Celebrity Traitors – which is going to dominate autumn like no show has ever dominated before. If you ever needed any confirmation on how big The Traitors actually is, just take one look at the calibre of celebrity the BBC has managed to get signed up. It’s brilliant, it’s going to be amazing – but how many of The Celebrity Traitors cast are actually going to be a good Traitor? Here’s a ranking of the entire cast of The Celebrity Traitors, all 19 of ’em, by how good I think they’d be as a Traitor.

Via BBC

Everyone wants to be a Minah, but you can’t change the fact you may be destined to be a Linda.

19. Alan Carr

Alan Carr is absolutely perfect television and I would tune in to watch him read the phonebook. He is going to be hilarious, but what he’s not going to be is a good traitor. If you think Linda gave it away quickly watch how crap he’s going to be at keeping a straight face.

18. Stephen Fry

So clever that he’d be a great Faithful and great Traitor – except that he’s so clever that everyone will either suspect him as Traitor and banish him. Or the Traitors would kill him because he’s too clever to have as a Faithful. Doomed.

17. Tom Daley

Most Read

A deep dive into Carina Mirabile’s many, many attempts at fame before MAFS Australia

Paul is apparently dating someone after MAFS Australia and erm, you might recognise her

The creepy real reason Netflix removed this Black Mirror episode over the weekend

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tom Daley (@tomdaley)

Would just be quite an uninspired choice, in my opinion. Doesn’t have a scheming bone in his soaking wet pool dripping body. Or maybe he’s a dark horse! We shall see.

16. Joe Marler

I know very little of rugby player except that he used to play rugby and now has a podcast. Neither of these things to me should be rewarded with the camp honour of being a Traitor, as far as I’m concerned.

15. David Olusoga

Celebrated historian Olusoga also falls victim of what we shall dub Stephenfryitis – a condition where people distrust you so much because of how clever you are. Gets a few more points because I don’t think he’s quite as broadly well known so might evade being tarred with the “too clever” brush til people know him a bit better.

14. Lucy Beaumont

Really love Lucy and her sense of humour, but the fault here is that she’s so dry and deadpan that I feel like she might be deemed a bit too much of a good player. She also does a bit of a ditzy blonde mumsy bit if her stint on Celeb Gogglebox is anything to go by, so might be a bit naive.

13. Mark Bonnar

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mark Bonnar (@mark_bonnar)

Someone with such a serious and handsome face that he looks like he should only be cast a villain. I think being an actor is a huge pro to being a Traitor but he just looks like someone who’d be up to evil deeds.

12. Tameka Empson

Another person who is an actor and ergo raises suspicion, but I think Tameka always coming across so warm, friendly and trustworthy may serve her better as a Traitor than Mark.

11. Celia Imrie

Don’t really have any particular pros or cons god Godlia Godrie but I just love her so much and hope she’s an icon when she gets in that castle. Which she of course will be.

10. Kate Garraway

I think being a presenter gives you many great transferable skills to a game that is all about communication and how you present. It teaches you how to discuss points and question people you might not align with, and wear certain faces and masks to get the job done professionally. Perfect way to kick off the top 10 of best traitor in The Celebrity Traitors cast – although not too sure Kate’s got the scheming required to be a truly top tier Traitor.

9. Joe Wilkinson

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Prime Video UK & IE (@primevideouk)

A comedian literally so famed for being dry and deadpan that I can’t imagine ever trusting a word he says whether that be Faithful or Traitor. But… I still think he’d be an amazing Traitor. Very hard to place because of this. Claudia’s got a tough one on her hands this year.

8. Ruth Codd

Ruth Codd, whilst also being an actor – which I’ve raised is obviously suspicious – I believe could play a blinder. She’s online, young, savvy, funny and definitely knows the machinations of this show well. I truly feel like she’d do a good job.

7. Charlotte Church

Huge dark horse potential. Again, Welsh, a trusting accent – as another Charlotte proved to us all in this year’s main series. Also just a bit of an icon who’s been off the telly for a while and I think she could go really far.

6. Jonathan Ross

Another presenter and chat show host whose literal job it is to make the most famous people in the world feel comfortable around him and match their level. I think he’d be very good.

5. Niko Omilana

I am not well versed in the works of this prankster, but I think it’s someone with so many tricks and tactics up his sleeve if he was starting to get rumbled as a Traitor he’d have a good comeback and way of getting out of it. Perfect way to start the top five ranked best Traitor potential with this The Celebrity Traitors cast.

4. Paloma Faith

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Paloma Faith (@palomafaith)

Nobody expects it! You all think she’s going to be crap! Alan Carr levels of bad! I reckon she’s going to prove everyone wrong and have so much cleverness up her sleeve.

3. Nick Mohammed

Good actor, funny, well liked – I feel like he FEELS Faithful in a way that doesn’t seem like he’d be putting an act on. Perfect personality type to actually be a devious Traitor.

2. Cat Burns

The thing that’s great about Cat Burns in the cast and why she’s ranked so high with top tier Traitor potential amongst this lot of Celebrity Traitors is that she can fly under the radar. I don’t think a lot of them in there will suspect her, and then I reckon she’s got the talent to play Minah levels of blinder.

1. Clare Balding

Mother Clare. I’m calling it. Everyone loves her, she feels wholesome, she’s smart and could do anything and I truly believe no one would suspect her. She’s the lovely lady who loves dogs! She’s a national treasure! “It couldn’t possibly be Clare Balding” they’ll all cry, meanwhile endless iconic memes and pictures of her looking iconic in the hooded cloak will be running rampant on Twitter. You know it makes sense!

For more like this, like The Tab on Facebook.