MAFS UK 2024 came back with the most chaotic episode ever and I will never recover

When one reflects on a series of Married at First Sight UK, you usually think of the typical MAFS dinner parties, the cheating scandals and the chaos. Chaos and MAFS UK are soulmates – they are each other’s lifeblood. MAFS UK might put itself across as a well intentioned romance experiment, but it is a show that in essence seeks to be the most jawdropping and talked about dating show on the box. And yet, just when you think you’ve seen it all, MAFS UK 2024 returns with the most chaos filled launch episode I think I’ve potentially ever seen. A feature length beast of mayhem that ran at nearly two hours with barely a likeable soul to he found, we’re in for a wild ride this season.

The cast

First of all, this cast of characters just have an innately chaotic energy. I would say so far it feels like we’ve got a bunch of people who don’t seem desperate to be influencers – just a load of randoms off the street who fancy a wedding. You can’t see many of them feeling like offcuts from Love Island, so ergo we’ve got a chaotic premise of people who don’t seem from the outset that arsed about bagging the biggest brand deal.

Dude thinking about a wife swap before he’s even at the altar and also verbally shutting down the woman immediately… #MAFSUK pic.twitter.com/oTlkOXvdDk

— kristina victoria (@krismaheral) September 16, 2024

None more so than Alexander, who gets the entire room of lads against him after declaring he’s fine to wife swap. Quite ridiculous a moment where everyone acts like this is unprecedented to speak of despite the fact it’s happened in pretty much every MAFS season for the last three years. To quote the classic Cruel Intentions “Everybody does it, it’s just that nobody talks about it.”

Kieran ran off to join the circus

“I ran way with the circus and became a clown”#mafsuk pic.twitter.com/D9bBm5082p

— Ronan 🐝 (@VSVPFERG) September 16, 2024

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Teethgate

I can’t decide if the teeth thing is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen or the most abysmal thing #MAFSUK pic.twitter.com/qQ4Y9AMJpC

— Harry (@nutterhtowse) September 16, 2024

In a highly promoted bit of footage, Kieran had a big plot to prank Kristina at the altar when they get married at first sight with some fake teeth to “see if she’s got a good sense of humour”. Nobody has ever told him that humour is subjective and that most of us have outgrown prop gags you might find at the pound shop – but besides the point. At least half an hour is devoted to this chaotic saga. Nobody really knows what to make it. Kristina liked it, so fine.

Sistergate

Emma reminds Casper of his sister, Emma and Casper’s sisters look alike, Casper’s sister’s husband looks like Casper, Emma has been described as being like Bridget Jones and Casper’s dog is called Bridget. I need a lie down. #MAFSUK

— JD (@Jonny_Dodds) September 16, 2024

Enter Caspar and Emma. They are both dead posh, as Caspar’s mum and sister say, Emma is “of their ilk.” A bit vile and elitist, but okay. Emma thinks she’s Bridget Jones, Caspar’s dog is called Bridget, Emma fancies Caspar but Caspar thinks Emma looks and sounds like his sister. Whose husband looks like Caspar. It is posh and messy nonsense. I’m fascinated by it. The drama feels like a Shakespearean farce.

Sh*tting on chest song-gate

Kieran and Kristina’s wedding doesn’t seem real. Is this a Ricky Gervais sketch or something?! Like, why is he singing a song about shitting on his wife’s chest to the whole reception?! #MAFSUK pic.twitter.com/UHO124IXpg

— TV Fan (@BbukSave) September 16, 2024

The gag with the teeth went down so well that Kieran proceeded to sing a novelty song about shitting on his wife chest. No I’m not joking, this actually happened. Funnily enough, he had no qualms about doing this but spent most of the wedding breakfast living in fear about Kristina finding out about the fact he lives in a static caravan. Hugely hilarious moment of MAFS UK 2024 chaos comes from Kieran telling Kristina’s mum and saying please don’t tell Kristina and then the mum telling her within a matter of minutes. And, again, she loved it.

Red flags

The way Casper is literally slagging off his sister non stop on tv is a major red flag 🚩 #MAFSuk #mafs pic.twitter.com/BbevGSaIQA

— ♡ 𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ♡ (@alexanderls3) September 16, 2024

More chaos at Caspar and Emma’s comes from the fact his sister seemingly leaves him in a fit of existential rage should she open her mouth. This man was openly raging with his sister whilst being filmed for national television. It’s only episode one! What on earth is happening – barely even began and we’re flying red flags on the good ship MAFS.

I am always braced for chaos with MAFS UK, but clearly 2024 is going to be a year we are not ready for. Did I love it? Did I hate it? I’m not even sure. But I watched open mouthed and gobsmacked, and rest assured I’ll be seated for the rest of the matrimonial mess.