Valentine’s who? We asked Birmingham students for their worst date blunders

In honour of the girls begging their situationship for a date

9 months ago

Angel Lawson & Jennifer Langman | Guides

Ahh, the dreaded Valentine’s Day is here for us singletons, and ultimately we are salty, alone and here to prove a point. So, we’ve dug deep to bring you five dating-blunder confessions from ladies at the University of Birmingham, uncovering everything that can go wrong on the day of lurvvvv (and why being single is elite). Being a girl in the world is not the easiest job, so put the sage and crystals down, let us make you feel better about the downfall of your situationships.

1. Broken-nosed boyfriend

Love at first sight was on the cards for this couple, first date setting? the driving range. Golf balls, metal poles and sheer force – what could possible go wrong? The date was off to a good start, smooth sailing until her apparent golfer pro boyfriend did what boys do best and mansplained hand positioning on the club. Becoming frustrated, female rage brewing, she gave the club a big ol’ Tiger Woods swing, hoping to hit the ball. Thud. When she turned around her boyfriend was holding his bloody broken nose…

2. Communication is key

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Having been going out with her boyfriend for only a short period of time, this gal faced the dreaded decision of all decisions: what to get him for Valentine’s day. With only a short dating history between them, you’d think it was reasonable to not go over the top. Surely a card and Maltesers would be fine? It’s the thought that counts right? The day arrived and with the bar set low in student budget, she opened her Valentines gift from her eager-eyed boyfriend – uh oh – a whopping 70 quid bracelet! What a lucky gal. Looking back she states “I wish I didn’t even give him anything at all.” This is your sign to have a conversation beforehand about what you expect for Valentines.

3. Sports night shenanigans

Picture the scene, it’s second year, you’re trying out a new society and it’s sports night. Some might say the ultimate hunting ground for a student romance. For this girl, with naivety on her side, she happily accepted an offer to be walked home. After a refuel at Dixy’s, a situation many of us can relate to, her new found acquaintance eventually confessed how much he liked her (this isn’t Chicken Shop dates mate). With the dreaded speed walk down Dawlish to go, drunken lover in tow, an occasional ”aw you’re so cute” and a conversation drier than your next day leftover fries, it’s times like this that Valentine’s day stings a little extra.

4. Win the girl, not the golf

Egos. A guys biggest downfall some may say. This one’s for the guys who cannot stop stropping when a girl shows an inch of talent. This student was set up for the classic Birmingham canon event: Ghetto Golf style. Taking a guy to play mini-golf should seem fine you’d think. Wrong. When our fellow girlie took victory, her male competitor simply couldn’t take it and moped for the rest of the date. With barely a word spoken between them for the remainder of the date, maybe he should’ve been more concerned on winning the girl than the golf. Bless him.

5. Spoons slander

Finding herself in the student watering hole that is Spoons, the perfect romance blossomed when friends introduced her to a mutual friend across the table. Actually everything short of a Prince Charming, her newfound acquaintance proceeded to “rizz her up”, mocking her southern accent (poor gal) with cute pet names like “rich tory tw*t”. After being called out on his not so romantic behaviour, the culprit eventually apologised with the peace offering of Spoons’ cheapest cider. It’s safe to say he did not pull that night.