I’m sick of pretending – I don’t get ketamine

Let’s face it, most students try recreational drugs at some point in their degree because they’re fun, relatively safe, and cheaper than 10 consecutive Jagerbombs.

But Ketamine is another story. Initially used as a horse tranquilliser, it became popular in the UK in the 90s as a club drug, and is now making a big comeback like so many 90s mistakes.

But the recent UK-wide ket drought has sent tensions rising and dealers going to extremes to procure the Class B. One third year who used to deal said: “There’s been none in Glasgow since September, and before it dried up prices shot up from £250 an ounce to £500 wholesale.

“I’ve heard of some people breaking into vets and the like to take the liquid preparations to then cook it down to powder to take.”

Dealers in London are even more agitated knowing the first to find a supplier will be raking in the cash. They’re even going as far as Cardiff to track down people who can supposedly cook the drug.

But I don’t understand why. Effects of the drug include numbing, confusion, agitation, and impaired verbal fluency, whilst long term exposure has been linked to depression. It’s the Jeremy Kyle of drugs.

Worse yet, there is the K-hole – much like when Alice tumbled down the rabbit hole but instead of ending up in a wonderland of talking cats and tea parties, she woke up paralysed on her mates floor in a puddle of piss.

In a recent Tab drugs survey, 25 per cent of 5126 surveyed students said they had tried ketamine. A figure that actually fucks with my mind more than any drug could.

I genuinely don’t understand the appeal of ketamine – what happened to good old fashioned alcohol? The only time people should be tripping on a night out is getting out of the cab at the end of it.

And yet this increasing demand has seen users up and down the country go on their own kind of Special K diet. With street prices in some areas of Scotland reaching £25 to £35 for a single gram. 

I mean, why? Why are people looking at a sedative that puts down 500kg beasts and saying: “Yes, that looks like a fucking good night out to me.” It’s the equivalent of saying: “Oh I’m tired I think i’ll go for a nap” before downing a cocktail of red bull and amphetamines.

There’s not even a sure fire way of knowing whether or not Ketamine has been cut, or what it’s been cut with. But a lot of dealers are known to cut the drug with the cheaper substance MXE, which is much more powerful.

One fresher recounted his experience of taking MXE saying: “Its like dipping your head in a giant cup of hot chocolate, you feel really warm and really good but sounds are muffled so it’s a bit weird”.

Some might say that sounds wonderful, but to me that sounds fucking terrifying. Drowning in a giant cup of cadbury’s instant is not my ideal night out. I also dread to imagine the facial expression of a person in a club that thinks they’re drowning in a giant cup of hot chocolate, or any hot drink for that matter.

I imagine the facial expression varies greatly depending on whether or not you’re enjoying the experience

So this is a drug that puts horses out cold, sends Alice down the wrong rabbit hole and has a street price of £35 per gram. You’d imagine science would be against this shit. WRONG.

Scientists have even started saying that ketamine has value as a treatment for depression, but if thats the case, then how come so many users have such long faces? (Sorry.)

It’s insane that not only are people snorting, swallowing and injecting this shit until they’re so disconnected from reality they think they’re “The Snowman” in that shit Aled Jones song, but now scientists are arguing it’s a legitimate treatment for depression.

I’m not sure if I agree with those scientists. In a way aren’t all hallucinogenics a treatment for depression? That is until you come back to reality to find your wallet is £35 lighter, you look about as fucked as Tim Burton and you’ve pissed yourself.