Every Warwick student you’ll ever meet condensed into a starter pack
*Begs to be the normal one*
Everyone knows the situ, whether you're a Firstie, or a worn and torn Postgrad. The people in your accommodation are make or break. They're the difference between drunken group singalongs on the way back from Viallis, and full out kitchen warfare. Ask almost anyone and they'll have a story to tell (good or bad) about their housemates.
The question is: What sort of housemate are you?
'You saw them, once' you tell a crowd of shocked faces in the kitchen. Yes, we all know and love the Phantom. Who are they? Someone thinks it could be Will?
What do they eat other than Pot Noodle and Redbull? Upon inspection of their cupboard, not much. Ready Meals and Crisps are not a balanced diet, but by the smell of their room every time you walk past it, that's the least of your problems.
Your food seems to have become their food, and nothing is sacred. They're probably very lovely people, and just need some time to come out of their shell. Try inviting them out for a drink, or offer to cook them dinner- they're already eating your food anyway. Who knows, you might just become the Ghostbuster of the house!
The Smack Addict
You either love this person or you really, really hate them. This being said, this housemate is usually an absolute laugh, until you're listening to their nightly romps through the thin walls, or having to convince them that actually, their bed is a much better place to sleep than the kitchen table.
If you want to know how to get that Neon queue jump, they're your dude. If you want a great night out look no further. The Smack Addict is normally one of the most loyal friends you can make, just don't judge their hangover food too badly and they'll be golden.
Also, don't expect to see them in lectures, labs or seminars. It's fine in First Year, but maybe offer them notes in exchange for free queue jumps in Second or Third Year. What are friends for?
The Exchange Student
The Marmite member of the house, but either way, your life will never be the same when they go. It's safe to bet they're doing something in the Business School. Therefore they will either spend most of their time in London getting spenny, rocking that drip, or partying hard with The Smack Addict. After all, Year Abroad doesn't count, as they'll proudly tell you.
Female Exchange Students especially are one of the most wholesome humans. Their aesthetic? Gorgeous. Their taste in fashion? Iconic. Their personality? Forever lovable. Often very close with The Star Student due to matching adorableness and keen aesthetic. You'll swear to keep in touch, and usually, they'll be a friend for life. Just very, very, very far away from you.
The Sports Personality of the Year
Whose that stirring at some ungodly hour of the day? It's probably The Sports Personality of the Year. Night or day their life and love is their sport. Weekend plans? Sports Match. Early morning, Sports Training. Late nights, Sports training.
One thing you can be sure of is their dedication. They probably love their Pres more than their significant other, who is also usually a member of a sports team. MyProtein is their best friend, but Purple is a close second, and they would never turn down a chance to sesh.
Circle with the team is ESSENTIAL especially after whatever weird initiation ritual they had to go through to get there. If there's anyone you would commit flatcest with, it's them. You just don't want to admit it to yourself.
The Star Student
This person makes you jealous and anxious at the same time. Their room is perfection, fairy lights and adorable photos adorn their walls, and they also probably have a very cute pet. You see them more often than The Phantom, but only under strict conditions. Their essays are always submitted a week before the deadline.
Dinner somehow is always freshly prepared, and every single houseplant is thriving. When they do go out they're either very uncomfortable, or they really go wild. There have been types known to not only get perfect grades, but also to bag a gorgeous bedtime companion every time they go out. You should hate them. But you just can't. They're too lovely.
The Normal One
They are, thank god, normal. They are the glue that holds the whole house together, and no one knows what they would do without them. They keep themselves to themselves, do the washing up, and take the bins out when it's their turn.
They're always up for pre's but never kill the mood by being too hyped, and crashing before they even get there. If you want to vent, they're there, if you need advice they'll carry through for you.
They're not perfect as perfect as The Star Student, but they work hard when they've got an assessment due. You'd probably die for this individual and you hope they feel the same too. Definitely, Best Man/Maid of Honour material if that Pop pull pays off.
The (Not) Always Right One
The Always Right One begins just like any other Normal One. Friendly, sweet, funny. You enjoy spending time with them. The weeks crawl by, and you start to notice some changes. Everything from the milk to the 5ml spoon is labelled with their name.
You start to notice your pan is missing and is ending up in the sink uncleaned. They lay the blame on someone else. A casual night's drink turns into a full political debate and from then on, in their eyes, the house is divided, those on their side, and those not.
9/10 they are normally the reason for house tension, it's best just let them take their ciggy break, be nice and let them get on with it before you get reported to the police.
So, which one are you?