Which classic Christmas song is your Warwick halls?
It’s the question we’ve all been asking this festive season
You're probably so comfortable back in your warm, clean home that Warwick's grubby halls are just a faint memory. But not to worry, we're here to remind you of your favourite shitholes this festive period, because obviously you've always wanted to know what christmas song fits your halls.
Arthur Vick- 'White Christmas', Bing Crosby
It may be a classic, but White Christmas is dull and boring, sorry Bing. And the same goes for Arthur Vick. It was sold to you as being the best halls but turned out to be nothing more than a glorified Bluebell in its anti-social-ness. You were sold dreams, just like the dream of having a White Christmas.
Bluebell- 'Santa Baby', Eartha Kitt
Ever wondered why it's only the Bluebell freshers who do their weekly shop in Rootes Grocery Store? Well, it's because they're all spoit brats just like Eartha Kitt in Santa Baby. No 'please or thank-you's', people in Bluebell just turn to daddy for funds because no way is a maintenance loan going to cover their rent AND their lavish Warwick lifestyle.
Claycroft- 'Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!' Dean Martin
With Tesco only a stones throw away, Claycrofters aren't afraid of being snowed in because they have their shelves stocked till March.
Cryfield- 'Deck the Halls', Nat King Cole
Not even Nat King Cole can deck these dreary halls and make them less melancholy. Rumor has it, you can hear the cries of Cryfielders from across the Interchange, so you'll need more than just tinsel and fairy lights to hide the misery of Cryfield this Christmas.
Heronbank- 'Merry Christmas Everyone', Shakin' Stevens
Chirpy, upbeat and all-round happy, much like the people living in Heronbank. The halls are probably so optimisitc because they're blissfully ignorant of the far away sorrows of the Library.
Jack Martin- 'All I Want for Christmas is You,' Mariah Carey
Just like this quintessential Christmas song- Jack Martin has everything a Warwick student desires: central location, ensuites and a banging social life. Mariah the diva might not be able to hit those high notes anymore, but residents of JM won't let you forget how incred and sick their halls are, even if it is just all a facade.
Lakeside- 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town', Michael Buble
You better watch out, you better not cry when your Spring Week application gets rejected. You may be able to see the Buisness School from your window but that doesn't mean you have a foot in at JP Morgan – try getting on Santa's nice list next year.
Redfern- 'Driving Home for Christmas', Chris Rea
Don't remember this classic? Thats because its not one. And at this point I'm not sure if Redfern is even real.
Rootes- 'Jingle Bell Rock', Bobby Helms
A steryotypical Christmas song isn't good enough for somewhere as sick as Rootes. Just like the lucky freshers who live here, Jingle Bell Rock creates drama and is at the centre of attention at Christmas. Pre drinks? Hall parties? Rootes is where its at – just like this classic Christmas bop.
Sherbourne- 'Santa Tell Me', Ariana Grande
Sherbourne may be new and modern, but it will never be accepted as an OG Warwick hall, just like Ariana Grande's failed christmas song. You may sound cute and chirpy, but no one really remembers you. Sherbourne who?
Tocil- 'Fairytale of New York', The Pogues
Tocil, like this Christmas hit, doesnt really fit anywhere. Not exactly a Christmas song, not exactly an Irish jig. Tocil in the same way is a bit of a misfit on campus – not exactly in a bad location and doesn't exactly have a bad social life. One thing this Christmas classic and Tocil definitely have in common is their shared collection of scumbags and maggots.
Westwood- 'Do They Know its Christmas?', Band Aid
Westwood is so far away from central campus that they probably don't know its Christmas at all. Word on the street is that it's actually already Spring in Westwood because of the time difference. If Shuttle Bus B got its act together, maybe we could spread the Christmas cheer to the poor souls in Westwood. Just thank god it's them instead of you.
Whitefields- 'Last Christmas', Wham!
Depressing, alone and bitter- George Michael and Whitefielders have lots in common. The isolation of the Shitefields flats symbolise that unrequited love in 'Last Christmas'. You're alone and always will be.