Copper Rooms Chaos

SU Election Results party marred by mass brawl.

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On the announcement of Ben Sundell’s victory, scenes of euphoria were replaced by animosity as members of the Sundell and defeated Frew parties clashed violently over the result.

Joseph Brandim-Howson, key member of the Frew camp, told the Tab, ‘on hearing the result, Sundell’s campaign manager launched himself at Frew, gesticulating wildly and screaming profanities.’ Howson, widely regarded as the broken mirror of SU politics for his part in the calamitous Binita campaign last year, fumed ‘it’s a disgrace; have some fucking decorum’.

Frew’s entourage reacted callously, ‘one member tossed him into the wall like a spoilt child might do a rag doll, his head whipping back into the masonry producing a sickening crack’ raged Ruan Tremayne, advisor to the Sundell administration.

Scene of the crime…

In scenes that made Israel-Palestine look like an evening with Elton John and David Fernish, both sides piled into the melee, throwing haphazard haymakers and playground insults.

SU security steamrolled into the fracas, quickly defusing the escalating violence.

William Sheard, 2nd Year Philosophy student and witness to the barbarity, commended them for ‘going above and beyond the call of duty’ whilst ‘employing ferocious but necessary brutality’.

To prevent further hostility, several Frew supporters were dragged out of the venue; bleating like lambs being hounded into the abattoir.

The ugly scenes spilled outside; ingenious guards used their electric buggies to kettle the hooligans to the taxi ranks.

Despite the unsavoury events in the Copper Rooms, Frew was as magnanimous in defeat as Sundell was gracious in victory, seen on Facebook to say ‘a big well done to Ben Sundell, who I know will make a great president!’

A climatic end to one of the most controversial election campaigns in living memory.