John Burnet Hall stages a revolution

A group of students have staged a social media revolution against what they call the “oppressive regime” of John Burnet, after wardennial staff took away their Wii and much-beloved Mario Kart, prompting a hard look at the strict practices of the hall administration.

First year Julian Grant, one of the self-proclaimed “leaders of the revolution,” says that it all started when their Wii was confiscated – punishment for the Common Room being left in disarray after May Dip preparations on 30th April. The Hall Wardens made it clear that it would be returned after the room was cleaned (as it promptly was by a guilty party), but Grant and his fellow martyrs took the opportunity for “a bit of banter at the expense of the hall’s political elite and, styling ourselves as a proletarian revolt, wrote long-winded and passionate entreaties for the return of the Wii” on the hall’s monitored facebook page.

Grant’s modern adaptation of Luther’s 95 Theses was not taken well, and “a dramatic showdown ensued between the ‘revolutionaries’, for whom the whole deal was an extended joke, and the ‘fascist pigs’, who thought that we were actually serious,” as Grant said. Things escalated quickly, and  John Burnet’s revolution became about much more than a Wii.

After Grant and Co’s facebook vendetta, the wardens went to the point of no return, expelling Grant and his accomplice from the hall Facebook page. Over the next few days, 15 more residents were kicked off the page for posting revolutionary content. The students say that they do not always see the expulsions coming, but they expect more soon. “Clearly we have shaken the regime to its very core. I think we’ve got them scared,” said Grant.

Grant says that the revolution, which he believes to be influenced by the likes of the Arab Spring, French Revolution, and Bolshevik Revolution, began as a farce but quickly incorporated real frustrations against hall policy; he sites 15 pound fines for using a cell phone in the dining hall, fees for vomiting in hall and moving furniture, and the change in hall policies made without seeking advice from hall residents as just a few reasons the group is not happy. “As much as the Revolution is a farce,” he said, “it does draw on some real discontent with things happening in John Burnet Hall.”

And John Burnet Hall is fighting back… as much as they can. The martyrs of the revolution have created their own Orwellian facebook page, “Free John Burnet,” with 99 members at the time of publication. The page is the martyrs’ “sole refuge” according to Grant, and is peppered with revolutionary rhetoric seemingly stolen from the Soviets and visual propaganda. Think “Do You Hear the People Sing,” St Andrews style. 

Toria Johnson, the Warden of John Burnet, believes that the students have not used their pre-existing veins of communication. “To date, none of the students in question have attended a meeting or otherwise contacted a member of the committee to raise any issue,” Johnson said. “Similarly, none of these students have been in contact with myself, any of the assistant wardens, or any other member of staff, though each of us are regularly available in the daily drop-in session.” She emphasized that she removed the revolutionaries’ offensive material after recieving complaints from othe residents, and banned them from the group only after they continued to spam it with innappropriate materials.

The oppressed masses of John Burnet Hall gained attention from their own bourgeois, the university. In a statement, the university said “It seems to us that the hall warden and senior student have acted appropriately  in the face of what may be considered rather childish behaviour by a small minority of residents.” In a moment of sass, they continued to note that “the “revolutionaries” may wish to reflect on the wisdom of protesting publicly that they should not have to bear the costs of clearing up their own vomit. As revolutions go, it doesn’t look great.”

Grant disagreed, saying, “what started with a parody of a rebellion against authoritarianism has ended with some real censorship and oppression. We don’t actually take ourselves seriously, but the actions of the John Burnet Hall administration has made it really hard not to. Also, the food here sucks.” Moving words from one of St Andrews’ most high profile revolutionaries.

Image courtesy of jbhtraditions.webs.com