Everything you’ll realise when you go home for Christmas
The wifi actually works
Christmas time, mistletoe and Aldi-own-brand wine. Christmas, the most wonderful time of year, is upon us. A time of happiness, a time for family, a time where everyone realises that wrapping presents is really difficult, no matter how much of an adult you think you are.
For some students, it means a first opportunity to go home for a prolonged period of time since your Mum/Mam (delete as applicable) packed you off with half of Ikea's kitchen utensils department.
Back to the family home, you return to the town you grew up in to have awkward conversations with people you went to school who you don’t really know that well (“How’s uni?”, “Yeah, it’s good”, “Sounds good mate”), and reap the benefits of having your clothes washed for you.
However, you'll start to realise that things have changed since you left, since you packed up your belongings and moved into the adult world of having arguments with your housemates about bins and trying to get student discount on 5p carrier bags.
The clubs you used to go to aren't as good as they used to be
There was a time when you first started going out – like properly going out, when cheap cider from a plastic bottle switched to expensive cider in an actual glass, and the park switched to an actual establishment – that the clubs in your hometown seemed amazing. However, since you’ve been at uni everything has changed. The clubs seem worse than you remember, they seem to be populated exclusively by guys in white shirts two sizes too small, buttoned all the way to the top, standing around in packs, tensing for their club photos, sides of head shaved with hair on top longer. There’s been a glitch in the Matrix, and it happened after you left for university.
Central heating is amazing
Nostalgia is looking back on a time when you didn’t have to worry about putting the heating on in case it sends your bills through the roof, when you didn’t have to keep switching the radiator back on because it’s on a timer set by your halls. A house with central heating is the utopia we all crave, so crank up the thermostat and make the most of it whilst you’re home.
Someone in your family is a racist
Sorry guys, but not everyone in the world is as liberal as that cool lecturer on your course. Chances are someone in your family, and I won’t name names, is a massive racist, and you are 100 per cent going to have an argument with them this Christmas.
That local dialect you’ve picked up means nothing
“How’s uni, dear?” asks your sweet old Nan. “It’s reyt good, thanks”, you respond automatically. Your Nan’s face drops. You may as well have just told her you don’t want any of her offerings of food. She doesn’t understand the new-found colloquialisms that you started saying ironically and eventually slipped into your everyday vocabulary.
That’s right, you’ve broken your Nan.
You will have to defend your choice to go to university
“So, you just go in when you like and sit and listen to someone read out a PowerPoint?”
“You students don’t know what it’s like, wait until you get a real job”
“And what are you going to do with that degree after you’ve finished?”
These are just a few things people will say to you this Christmas, and yes, it is okay to tell them to fuck off.
The internet works
That’s right, the internet actually works. No more dodgy connections to Eduroam when you're trying to watch Netflix, or housemates downloading God knows what and taking all the bandwidth.
Don't bring up politics
Christmas is a time of peace, a time for people to come together and spend time with one and other, a time to watch Toy Story on TV whilst stuffing your face with Celebrations (not Bounty). So for the love of God, don't bring politics into it. Save it for Facebook.
Your pets are amazing
You can pretend you’re going to home to see your family, you can meet up with as many old school friends as you like, you can say you’ve missed your parents all you want, but the truth is, the best thing about being at home is your pets. Pets are the best, end of story.