The 10 Commandments every UoN student should follow

Take note freshers


As you settle into your life at UoN, these are the 10 commandments you must follow to optimise your time here at Notts. Whether you’re a fresher desperately trying to fit in, or a fourth year just trying to survive, stick by these rules and you’ll make it to the end of the year in one piece.

1. Stay away from the library if you’re a fresher

Dear freshers,

Your first year does not count. Therefore, your exams and coursework does not count. Ours do, so please get out of the way and make room for those who actually need to study.

Sincerely,
People that matter.

2. Buy an under 19 ticket for the bus and tram even though you’re a third year

I mean, no one has questioned me so far. So why pay the extra money when that could be saved and spent on something much better, like alcohol, to make you forget your impending deadlines.

3. Go to Crisis as much as humanly possible

Even if queueing is inevitable

Got a 9am on Thursday? It doesn’t matter. Set your alarm, have a coffee and you’re good to go. You know the night out will be worth it.

4. Use the free hopper buses at every occasion

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They’re free so why not? Can’t be bothered to walk to lectures from your halls that are literally a 10-minute walk away? Hop on the bus and you will be effortlessly transported to where you want to go.

5. Abuse your meal card

The meal card. The one saviour of being in catered halls. Make sure you spend every penny on that bad boy before it resets at the end of the week. Yes, that does involve walking around Spar with the calculator open on your phone.

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6. Go to Mooch all the time

Somehow, despite the terrible service and bang average food, Mooch is always full. Mooch is the perfect place to waste an afternoon with your mates drinking rather than studying. But hey, you’re still on campus and it’s not a proper pub, right? So, it still kind of counts as studying?

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7. Don’t pretend NTU are our equals

“Uni of didn’t offer my course so I had to go to Trent”

Don’t listen to their excuses. You know you’ve made it into the better university so just own it.

Bleed green and gold remember.

8. Don’t spend hours queuing in student services to ask a simple question

There are people with actual valid questions, don’t hold up the queue to ask something you should know if you actually paid attention to your lecturers or looked on the website.

9. Join a sports team, buy the coat and wear it whatever the weather

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Can't you see how cool they look

Did you even go to UoN if you don’t leave with a bright yellow coat or green jumper? How else are your fellow students meant to know that you are a master at Ultimate Frisbee unless you wear a coat that lets everyone know?

10. Embrace the sticky carpet in Ocean

No matter how many times it is cleaned or replaced, the carpet will always be sticky. So just embrace it, you just have to accept it may take a little longer to walk to the bar but hey that’s all part of the fun. Also, we can see you complain and then spill your VK 2 minutes later, you’re part of the problem.

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So, there you have it – the rules you need to follow in order to be a true University of Nottingham student. Treat these rules as gospel and you should sail through the year.

The Tab Nottingham

last seen today at 12:14

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