Freshers: promoting is a dark world, you don’t belong there

Trust me, I did it

“Do you love to party? Get paid to do it!”

Just one of the many arguments promo people will use try to get you involved in their sinister schemes. They’ll say you won’t have to work more than a couple of hours to get endless queue jump and free bottles of goose. Like a modern day pied piper, they hook innocent freshers in with their alluring tales of easy sales and classic nights.

You may be thinking, “It’s first year and everybody knows it doesn’t count. Nobody except your mum cares what grade you get, so I should make the most of it by being paid to party!” You’ll be desperate to build a name for yourself and become the guy that everyone goes for to get tickets for the sickest nights.

Seriously though, don’t do it. You aren’t partying on the job and you aren’t really being paid. Essentially what happens is you’re asked to post socially suicidal statuses on Facebook groups to try and sell tickets at a rate of £1 commission per ticket. £1 per ticket. Social suicide for £1.

You took the job to make friends, but  how are you supposed to make new friends now that you have a more irritating online presence than that weird guy from school who does nothing but send Candy Crush invites?

The commission is definitely not worth the shame. In all likelihood, the club you rep for is shit. Don’t expect to sell tickets if you want people to go clubbing at The Forum, Lacehouse or Oceana. You’ll probably end up having this conversation with your boss almost every week:
“So how many tickets did you sell this week?”

If you’re a Crisis rep, then you’ll probably actually sell out while actually ending up being one of the coolest and most popular members of your hall. But in all likelihood, you’ll be trying to push tickets on people that want to go to Forum as much as they want to have root canal on all their molars.

Aside from the core Crisis, Ocean, Stealth and  occasional Coco Tang monday, very few new nights in Nottingham will survive beyond a couple of weeks. Nights like Black Milk and Gold Teeth were amazing at the start, but slowly faded into darkness and when they start trying to get freshers involved, you know they’re on the way out. You might actually manage to sell a few tickets during special promo weeks. Once, I sold 3 tickets in a week because of a drinks promotion. £3 was most profitable week in my glittering club promoting career. Balling.

Don’t waste your time as a Fresher, don’t become a club rep. Still, I’ve got some leftover tickets from last year (all of them) – so if anyone wants to have an absolutely mental time at Forum this Thursday then holler at me, it’s gonna be a big one.