Legendary fresher lands cult status as ‘King of Disco’

‘I should be BNOC of the year’


Nottingham is home to the key shufflers, fist pumpers and slut droppers of the East Midlands.

It has now emerged it also holds the king of all disco dancers: fresher Alan Holey.

Geography student Alan’s outrageous moves on the dance floors of Nottingham’s nightclub have earned him the prestigious title of King of Disco.

In a Cinderella-esque search for their King of Disco, instead of using a glass slipper, popular clubnight Crisis posted a video of a mysterious dancer and asked the anonymous legend to come forward.

They said: “The Crisis dance floor has never seen shapes thrown with such elegance as these. King of Disco, week after week, you fully go for it, and we watch you in awe.

“King of Disco, please reveal your true identity.”

So The Tab tracked down Alan “Holy Grail” Holey, who revealed he is most proud of his trademark take on Beyoncé’s Single Ladies.

Legend Alan told the Tab “I think my moves are pretty legendary and famous in the realms of Crisis and Ocean.

“When I saw the video I was ecstatic and a bit embarrassed, but my skills as a dancer are finally being realised. Back in Hong Kong, academia was my priority. But in Nottingham, it’s dancing.

“I believe due to this video that I am a legit competitor for BNOC of the year. I feel like this video and my reputation now needs to go from bouncing round halls to the whole fucking campus.”

Alan has even earned himself free entry to much anticipated events for his cult status.

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The man, the myth, the legend

The video gained 240 likes and a whopping 6K views until finally the mystery was solved when King Alan nobly came forward to receive his title and his prize of free entry to Crisis.

His friend, Frazer Worboys, said: “I first met Alan when I had a dance off with him in Ocean. My handstand and forward roll could not compete and he did not approve of it.

“In the Freshers week talent show, Alan followed a very unimpressive strip tease and set the place alight with his rendition of Single Ladies once again, winning the talent show and the hearts of Florence Boot.

His moves then were honed, and after much training in his new presidential suite he was ready to showcase his skills to the people of Crisis and Ocean on a weekly basis”.

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